Tag Archives: women and gambling

(The following is the third and final part of an interview reprinted from MyAddiction.com and written by Jacqueline Pabst, Tue, January 22, 2013).

Writer Cathy Lyon shares her experiences with gambling addiction and recovery. Click here to buy her book on Amazon: Addicted to Dimes

What was your lowest point?

After both stays in the recovery crisis center in November of 2002 and April of 2006, some of what I had NOT learned was how to actually “break down” the “cycle” of compulsive gambling, piece by piece, and understand – and how to use all of the recovery tools and skills to do that.

At the same time, after my release in 2006, the GA group I was attending was having some trouble within our group. People would gossip about others. We also didn’t have many members who had good, solid or long “clean” time. Trusted servants were not “utilizing” all of the by-laws and guidelines from GA. There was no one willing to give up themselves to become sponsors to new members, and no Financial Pressure Relief group meetings were being held. I offered many times to help, and I did, but I couldn’t do it all on my own! The reason it’s so important, especially for new members, is that we come to GA so in debt and financially broken that we have NO idea where to start on taking our financial inventory.

I had always felt I never really got any financial relief most of my recovery, or trying in vain to stay in recovery, so much so that it lead to my third major event – and lowest point in my life! From April to the beginning of August in 2006, I’d really gotten a good foothold on a clean recovery, but life challenges and financial events turned all of that into a tailspin! Long story short, I had been cleaning homes to make a little money. I was cleaning a friend’s home while she was on vacation, and I’d gone home one day for lunch, and my power was turned off! I checked the mail and had a shut-off notice from my gas and phone companies as well. That just put me in panic mode.

Instead of working things out with my husband and figuring something out, my old habits and behaviors of my addiction took over. I got into that “have to fix this quick” mindset. That’s why, when you’re in recovery, you also need to work on your old way of thinking and learn to solve life’s challenges in a healthy way. I hadn’t gotten that far in my new recovery. Even though I was not “in gambling action,” I’d still used the old habits to try to deal with this financial crisis. I never had that “financial relief” like the GA combo-book had said we would when we stopped gambling. So I did the unthinkable and stole from my friend!

When she got back, I could have told her, but I could not bring myself to do it. Just when I got my nerve up to do it, it was too late; she had already called the police. They showed up at my home, asked me about what had happened, arrested me, and off to jail I went. She wanted to press charges against me to learn a lesson. Needless to say, I did – the hard way. I had a few court dates to go to with a public defender. I was just going to plead guilty; I had to be accountable for the poor choices I had made.

This was not only the lowest point in my life, I was so humiliated; people seeing me handcuffed and put into a police car. And if that was not enough, I live in a small town, so of course there was my name in the local newspaper with what I’d done! There went my reputation. Not because I was gambling, but worse (and dumb) because I stole from somebody to try to solve my financial problems.

So please learn from me: Make sure you work on all areas of your recovery! I had to learn the hard way. I will say this: Even though I’d not gambled when all of this happened, I still consider the last day that I gambled as Jan. 29, 2007 – my last/sentencing court date. It is my constant reminder of the lowest point in my life.

Who helped you the most in your recovery?

An “angel” came to my rescue when I was going through the legal process of my theft conviction. His name is Boyd Sherbourne, PsyD. At the time, he was an Addictions PsyD from the crisis center I was admitted to. Since the friend I’d stole from was also in my treatment program, they were going to kick me out of the program.

I’d never met Boyd, but a little problem came up with my husband and my treatment councilor, and Boyd overheard them heatedly talking and asked my husband if he could talk with him in his office. He helped and talked with my husband for a while (while I was still in jail waiting to be processed and released). Boyd told him what had happened and also explained to my husband most likely why I did what I’d done due to financial stress, even though I was not gambling.

Then a few days went by, and Boyd called me on his own even though he didn’t know me. It was a God intervention moment. He asked if I was willing to meet with him, so I did. He wanted to help me with support and teach me how to not only breakdown the “cycle” but also learn better ways of handling life challenges in recovery. He taught me how to change the unhealthy, lingering habits and behaviors of addiction. I thank God every day for Boyd taking me on, and he did it a whole year! I can never repay him for helping me get my life back and save my marriage. He helped me stay on a healthy, clean, balanced recovery.

What advice do you have for other compulsive gamblers?

We are truly blessed that we live in a world with wonderful technology, and it has turned the recovery process around! For those of you who gamble but are not sure whether you have a problem, you can take the “20 Questions” quiz on the Gamblers Anonymous website. If you answer those questions honestly, you’ll know if you’re a problem gambler.

The Internet has provided “safe and secure” websites for recovery help. There are places with live chat rooms 24 hours a day, on-line meetings, free treatment and therapy. A support group is vitial to a balanced recovery plan. I attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings, of course, but Safe Harbor compulsive gambling hub is another great support community! They offer online meetings, 24/7 live chat rooms and a fantastic “Resource Recovery Room,” which includes the “top compulsive gambling recovery sites.” There you will find the top 100 recovery sites on the web, which is how I found this great site, MyAddiction.com.

I believe that in order to have a well-balanced recovery, you also need to have a “spiritual” well-being. We reach out for help with such broken spirits, souls and hearts. Not everyone has faith per say. But I do believe in a power greater than myself has helped me return to sanity from the insane, cunning addiction of compulsive gambling.

My own quote, which I say all the time, is, “Addiction and recovery have only one thing in common: They are both selfish!” We are very selfish when we are in the depths of our gambling addiction. And you have to be selfish and put yourself first in your recovery in order to be successful! Just remember: No one person on this Earth is perfect.

What are your favorite activities now that you don’t gamble?

I enjoy so many things now that I have not placed a bet in six years. It’s like I shared before, having a well-balanced recovery is important. There are activities that I feel are vital to my recovery which keep me from getting too complacent. I enjoy writing, and I love to read all kinds of books. Now that I’m a published author, I have met so many great writers and authors (even a few famous ones!) who have really helped me develop as a writer – along with some good book clubs.

I love to cook, and I love gardening (growing flowers mostly). I also enjoy volunteer work; it really helped me fill a lot of the free time I had. I’ve been unable to work outside the home for the past few years due to some health issues and the medications I take for my bipolar II, panic and agoraphobia disorders. My husband and I enjoy the first Friday art walk each month in our community, which helps me to get out. In the Summer, we like to river raft and hike on my good days.

I have my blog in which I’m able to “visit” with new friends I’ve made in recovery. I use the Gamblers Anonymous blue and red books daily. I write in my journal daily. I attend online 12-step meetings. I read and post daily on Safe Harbor and still go to some GA meetings as well. I’ve also started writing my second book.

(The following is part two of an interview reprinted from MyAddiction.com and
written by Jacqueline Pabst, Tue, January 22, 2013).

Writer Cathy Lyon shares her experiences with gambling addiction and recovery. Click here to buy her book on Amazon: Addicted to Dimes

What were your triggers?

For me, this question is a “mixed bag.” For my own recovery, my gambling triggers always seemed to co-exist with bad habits and behaviors. My triggers allowed me to feel a sense of entitlement. What I mean by this is that when I felt the urge to gamble, I justified my urge by telling myself I deserved to relax, that I deserved a reward, etc. For example, if I got into an argument with my husband, that would trigger negative thoughts and behaviors, which would lead to gambling. By justifying my addiction, I got into a vicious cycle of entitlement, blame, denial and lying, which, of course, led to more gambling.

I remember the days of going to my treatment group in GA (Gamblers Anonymous) — just hearing other people talk about gambling was a trigger for me, and I often went to gamble after meetings. I think a lot of people did that, because a lot of us are in denial about having a problem. I definitely was. I also learned that triggers don’t always happen immediately . . . I could be triggered by a disappointment, but not recognize it until a couple days later.

Did you have any major relapses after you began your recovery?

I had three major relapses. Two were from active gambling relapses, the third had more to do with my general recovery. I’d been so focused on the emotional and illness side of addiction that I hadn’t been working on my financial health. It can be very overwhelming when you first reach for recovery. This question is hard for me. There is still a twinge of pain for me when I talk about my two major relapses. It was a very dark time in my life, I was using compulsive gambling to escape emotional, physical and sexual abuse that I’d experienced as a child. My feelings first resurfaced after my brother in law passed, right before I turned 30. I went to see a therapist for awhile, and I thought I had resolved my issues. I know now that the reason it took me so long to get a real foothold on recovery was because I wouldn’t accept the fact that gambling was slowly destroying my life. I was in and out of a treatment group and GA from 1999 until my first Major relapse in November of 2002, right before my 40th birthday.

I’d been gambling like crazy! I was fighting with my husband, using the same lies and excuses, telling him it was his fault I gambled, that his work was driving us apart. I was gambling before work, on my lunch hour, after work, anytime I could. I’d tell my husband I was going to a friends house but he knew where I was going. He just let me go, he was tired of fighting. I started to realize that I couldn’t keep up with all my lies. I had to pick up the mail before my husband did so that he wouldn’t see the credit card bills. I was hiding the money I’d taken from our bank accounts. I felt like I was going insane.

What put me over the edge was when my best friend in the whole world passed away from cancer . . . a week before my birthday. I was supposed to meet my husband and her family after work, but instead I drove to the Indian Casino. I was there most of the day, lost hundreds of dollars, and I barely remember driving home that night because I was so distraught. All I remember is dialing the phone to call my treatment counselor, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital in a white room with padded walls. There were police and doctors outside talking incomprehensibly, and then I blacked out again. I woke up in a room at the Mental/Addictions crisis center. When I woke up, I looked around and saw that my arms and wrists had cuts on them, one very deep, and that I had a few stitches. I ended up staying in the crisis center for 11 days, with the first 4 on suicide watch. While at my stay, my primary doctor and the crisis center doctor found that I was suffering from severe depression, high anxiety, panic disorder, and symptoms of bipolar disorder. So they started me on 3 medications. I always knew I had high anxiety, but I had no idea about the other disorders. While I was there, I worked hard with my addiction counselor, and I didn’t gamble for six months straight.

However, I started feeling good, I got complacent, and I decided that I could still gamble as long as I “control” it. This led to another 3 and 1/2 years of binge gambling. I was still going to meetings, but I’d lie through my teeth — I maxed out credit cards, got fired from jobs for stealing and pawned anything of value. Then, we had to sell our home in 2005, just before it got foreclosed. I wasn’t working and we moved into a rental home.

I felt like everyone in my life was treating me like I was some sort of “mental freak” just because I had to take meds for my mental/emotional well being. So, I stopped taking my meds and I just kept telling myself that I could be a “normal person.” The other thing that was hard for me to contemplate was that I could get “high” without ingesting any substance, that my gambling was actually an addiction like drugs or alcohol. So, with the perfect storm brewing, I was heading down a very dark path. I gambled away the money we got from the sale of our house in three months. I was constantly chasing the money I lost until I was so far gone mentally that I tried killing myself again by taking all of my meds at once.

I gave up on life, on myself, on everyone who loved me — I just wanted it all to end! Once again, I ended up in the hospital and the crisis center and learned I’d never really wanted to stop gambling in the beginning. I was so broken, in mind, body, soul, and spirit, that I made the choice to believe in a power greater than myself. I decided that God wasn’t done with me, that he would show me my true purpose. I truly believe that I was meant to go down this path, and that I was meant to learn from it. And learn I have!