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Recovery Contagion within the Family

By Bill White

Addiction runs in families, but far less known is the fact that recovery also runs in families. Recovery Contagion is a phenomenon have captured my attention in recent decades and been the focus of numerous articles. Recovery contagion is defined as the recovery from a disease spread by close contact.

Scientific studies are unravelling the factors that combine to elevate risk of intergenerational transmission of addiction and related problems. These mechanisms of transmission include genetic and neurobiological influences, fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, assortative mating (attraction of those exposed to parental addition to individuals who share this family history), co-occurring conditions, temperament, developmental and historical trauma, family dynamics (e.g., parental/sibling modeling and collusion), early age of alcohol and other drug (AOD) exposure, and disruption of family rituals. (See Here for review of studies). Rigorous studies have yet to be conducted on the prevalence, patterns, and mechanisms through which addiction recovery of one family member increased the probability of other addicted family members also initiating a recovery process. The purpose of this article is to offer some observations on these issues drawn from decades of observation of families impacted by and recovering from severe and persistent Alcohol or Drug misuse problems. The following suggestions should be viewed as hypotheses to be tested via scientific studies and more expansive clinical observations.

  • Innumerable patterns of recovery transmission exist within families. Recovery transmission may occur intergenerationally (e.g., parent to child) and Intragenerationally (between siblings) and reach the extended family and social network. The recovery influence may also be bi-directional, e.g., mother in recovery to addicted child, child in recovery to addicted mother). Recovery transmission, like addiction, can also skip generations.
  • The probability of recovery initiation of an addicted family member increases as the density of recovery within an addiction-affected family network increase. The contagiousness of recovery and the push and pull forces towards recovery increase exponentially as other family members initiate recovery and as overall health of the family system improves.
  • The mechanisms of recovery transmission within affected families include:

1) infusion into the family of increased knowledge about addiction and recovery by the family member(s) in recovery,

2) withdrawal of family support for active addiction,

3) truth-telling about the addicted family member’s behavior and its effects on the family, 4) elicitation of hope,

5) recovery role modeling,

6) active engagement and recovery guidance by family member(s) in recovery,

7) assertive linkage and co-participation in recovery mutual aid and other recovery support institutions,

8) assistance when needed in accessing professional treatment,

9) post-treatment monitoring and support, and

10) adjustments in family life to accommodate recovery support activities for recovering members and family as a whole.

These individual mechanisms achieve heightened power when sequenced and combined over time.

  • Recovery of a family member can spark personal reevaluations of AOD consumption of other family members, resulting in a potential decrease in AOD use and related risk behaviors, even among family members without a substance use disorder. This may constitute a hidden benefit of recovery in lowering addiction-related costs to community and society.
  • The recovery contagion effect on other family members exists even when the recovering family member isolated themselves from the family to protect his or her own recovery stability. The family’s knowledge of the reality of his or her continued recovery and its effects on their health and functioning exerts pressure towards recovery even in absence of direct contact.
  • One of the most complicated forms of recovery contagion is between intimate partners who both experience AOD problems. The recovery of one partner destabilizes the relationship and increases the probability of recovery initiation of the other; addiction recurrence in one partner increases the recurrence risk in the other partner. Recovery stability is greatest when each partner established their own recovery program in tandem with activities to support “couple recovery.”
  • Where conflict exists between a family member in recovery and a family member in active addiction (e.g., a father in recovery and an actively addicted son), the conflict can serve as an obstacle to recovery initiation of the addicted family member. Though recovery initiation may be slowed, recovery prognosis is still increased, and the conflicted relationship is often reconciled when both parties are in recovery. When not reconciled, conflict can continue to be played out via different pathways of recovery.

It is rare to escape injury to family within the addiction experience. Such injuries increase progressively within families in which multiple people are experiencing AOD-related problems. For those of us who find ourselves in such circumstances, the greatest gift we can offer our family is our own recovery.

Related Papers of Potential Interest

Evans, A. C., Lamb, R., & White, W. L. (2014). Promoting intergenerational resilience and recovery: Policy, clinical, and recovery support strategies to alter the intergenerational transmission of alcohol, drug, and related problems. Philadelphia: Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbility Services. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2014%20Breaking%20Intergenerational%20Cycles%20of%20Addiction.pdf

Navarra, R. & White, W. (2014) Couple recovery. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2018/03/couple-recovery-robert-navarra-psyd-lmft-mac-and-bill-white.html

White, W. & Savage, B. (2003) All in the Family: Addiction, recovery, advocacy.   Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2005AllintheFamily.pdf

White, W. (2014) Addiction recovery and intergenerational resilience Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2014/07/addiction-recovery-and-intergenerational-resilience.html

White, W. (2017). Family recovery 101. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2017/12/family-recovery-101.html

White, W. Addiction/Recovery as a family tradition. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2017/12/family-recovery-101.html

White, W. (2015) All in the family: Recovery resource review. http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/blog/2015/11/all-in-the-family-recovery-resource-review.html

White, W. L. & Chaney, R. A. (2008). Intergenerational patterns of resistance and recovery within families with histories of alcohol and other drug problems: What we need to know. Posted at http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2012%20Intergenerational%20Resilience%20%26%20Recovery.pdf

 White, W. L. & White. A. M. (2011).  Tips for recovering parents wishing to break intergenerational cycles of addiction. Posted at: http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/Tips%20for%20Recovering%20Parents.pdf

About the author:

Bill White published this article on his web site on September 05, 2019.. Bill White is a preeminent researcher on addiction and recovery. He received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Faces and Voices of Recovery in 2015. William L. White is an Emeritus Senior Research Consultant at Chestnut Health Systems / Lighthouse Institute and past chair of the board of Recovery Communities United. Bill has a master’s degree in Addiction Studies and has worked full time in the addictions field since 1969 as a streetworker, counselor, clinical director, researcher and well-traveled trainer and consultant. He has authored or co-authored more than 400 articles, monographs, research reports and book chapters and 20 books. His book, Slaying the Dragon – The History of Addiction Treatment and Recovery in America, received the McGovern Family Foundation Award for the best book on addiction recovery. Bill was featured in the Bill Moyers’ PBS special “Close to Home: Addiction in America” and Showtime’s documentary “Smoking, Drinking and Drugging in the 20th Century.” Bill’s sustained contributions to the field have been acknowledged by awards from the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers, the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, NAADAC: The Association of Addiction Professionals, the American Society of Addiction Medicine, and the Native American Wellbriety Movement. Bill’s widely read papers on recovery advocacy have been published by the Johnson Institute in a book entitled Let’s Go Make Some History: Chronicles of the New Addiction Recovery Advocacy Movement.

His web site is: http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/

*Definition of Recovery Contagion:

The recovery from a disease spread by close contact.

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Lions, Tigers and Bears and the Yellow Brick Road to Recovery

This is a guest post by Steve Devlin, a recovery coach from Philadelphia PA, and a long time friend. I chose to post this over the Christmas weekend, because it brings me such joy, and brings back wonderful memories of watching the Wizard of Oz on TV during the 60’s. Thank-you Steve, and Happy Holidays to all of my readers.

Over the past week, I have been thinking about the Serenity Prayer and its connection to the Wizard of Oz.  Some of you might be looking at your computer and wonder if I have lost my mind.  I beg for your patience and to hear me out.  First a caveat or two.  I represent only myself in this message.  The second caveat is this message was inspired by a share I heard at a 12-step meeting.  The person who said it gave me permission to use it.  So here we go!

We all know the Serenity Prayer.  “May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  And almost everyone knows the story of the Wizard of Oz or at least the movie version of the story. Dorothy is not happy with life on the farm, runs away, is swept up in a tornado, lands in a strange place, and gathers three companions on her journey to the Emerald City to meet the Wizard.  On the way, she must deal with witches – good and bad – flying monkeys, and castle guards before she finds she always had the power to grant her wish of returning home.

So what does this story have to do with the Serenity Prayer, let alone recovery?  We cannot find fulfillment, happiness, or peace in our lives. We run away and just when we realize that we have run too far, we are swept up in the tornado (or drug of our choice).  Its path of destruction destroys the landscape of our lives and carries us far away. Thankfully, when the storm passes we land in a new brightly-colored world filled with sober people singing about the blessings of recovery.  Yet our own work is just beginning.  There is a road we must follow with steps leading to the Emerald City of sobriety.  We also learn that we cannot walk the path alone.  There are still temptations, flying monkeys, people, places, and things calling us back to the darkness.  However, as we follow the path we first find the companion of serenity – the heart to love ourselves and others.  A new heart also gives us the gift of forgiveness and acceptance.

The second companion is the courage to move forwards even when encountering lions, tigers, and bears.  It is courage which lets us turn over our lives, let go of character defects, and make amends.  It is also courage that lets us pick up the phone or go to a meeting.

Finally, there is wisdom, which gives us the ability to see choices in our lives and to know what we can and cannot change.  After long periods of feeling tied up like a scarecrow on a post, we are set free to walk a brick road of new life.  Of course, finding these three companions to fight back addiction is only part of the story and the Emerald City is not the ultimate destination.  Our companions bring us to the shining light of recovery, but we must take the gifts back home and use them in our daily lives outside of the rooms.

I wish recovery was as easy as clicking our heals together.  Finding our way home takes work but with heart, courage, and wisdom we can overcome all the flying monkeys and stay out of the way of tornadoes.  We also learn that the greatest companion of recovery is gratitude which was always just in our own backyard.

Question: Who are your companions on the brick road?

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How can I recover from sex and pornography addiction?

Give yourself time to heal

To recover from sex and pornography addiction, Dr Linda Hatch in her blog, states that one must be diligent and motivated. Recovery from sex addiction takes about 3 to 5 years.  Going along with the accepted recovery model used in alcoholism or drug addiction, many believe that sex addiction is a chronic disease requiring diligent treatment for life to prevent relapse. Hatch doesn’t think this is always the case in healing from a pornography addiction. She believes Internet porn addiction may be an exception to this 5 year, life long recovery model.

There are other clinical studies that suggest that pornography addiction is an Internet addiction.  Gary Wilson writes the majority of pornography addicts, even with severe symptoms like porn-induced erectile dysfunction, can recover in a matter of two to four months. The first phase of either sex and pornography addiction recovery is restricting computer or internet access and not using that smart phone to access your acting out partners. Yes, even sex addicts use the computer, internet and cell phones to act out, so the restriction is implemented for them as well.

Robert Weiss author of A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, and co-author with Dr. Jennifer Schneider of Untangling the Web: Sex, Porn, and Fantasy Obsession in the Internet Age suggest that addicted users are unable to implement lasting behavior change without the admission that they have a sex or pornography addiction and that the addiction is causing unmanageability in their lives. He suggests admitting this to yourself, to another human being, coupled with a combination of addiction-focused individual and/or group therapy and ongoing attendance at a 12-step (or some other addiction support group) will be the next steps on the road to recovery.

Get as much information as you can

In addition to turning off the computer, Weiss’s advice for addicts, is to educate themselves about what sex or pornography addiction is and how to overcome it. Learn how to be accountable, like handing the computer password over to your wife. Find a friend or sponsor in an addiction support group like SLAA, SA, SCA or SAA, developing an active and empathetic support network is a necessity for long-term sobriety and a healthier, happier life. You can ask your HR department for information on the Employee Assistance Program which can help you with therapeutic treatment. Without this knowledge and outside assistance, addicts have little chance of keeping their goal of sobriety in this addiction.

Fill your bedside table with recovery books. Authors like Weiss, and Hatch are joined by numerous others like Paldrom Collins, a former Buddhist nun and sex addiction counselor, and her husband, George Collins, M.A., a former sex addict and practicing sex addiction counselor for over 20 years. They wrote: A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust and Restore Intimacy. They present a refreshing new approach for couples struggling with the issue of excessive pornography, compulsive masturbation, frequenting prostitutes or strip clubs, serial affairs, and other acting out behaviors. In his book, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame, George Collins shares the techniques he has developed in his practice over the last 20 years that have helped hundreds successfully learn how to confront the negative energy that fuels sex and porn addiction.

Understanding that there are several approaches to recovery for sex and pornography addiction, many therapists and clinicians follow the model developed by Patrick Carnes, author and the former director of Pine Grove Behavioral Health (which treated a well-known golfer) and is currently a senior fellow at the Meadows in Arizona (which treated a well-known X-television star). In a study of recovering sex addicts reported in 2000, Dr. Patrick Carnes identified that during the first year in recovery there was no measurable improvement in areas such as coping with stress, self-image, financial situations, friendships, career status and spirituality, even though the addicts reported that they felt that their life was “definitely better.” The first year of recovery is very tough to cope with, so outside assistance is necessary. During the second and third years of recovery, including a period of sexual celibacy, there begins to be improvement in the areas having to do with functioning at work, communication at home and having a better emotional connection with others. These improvements then continue into the later years of recovery.

Carnes reported in the third year and thereafter, greater healing occurred in the addicts’ relationships with their partner and with their extended family/children. During the fourth and fifth years the addict discovered how to “do” non-sexual intimacy as well as engaging in healthy sexuality. Overall these recovery years are about how to achieve higher self-esteem and more life satisfaction.

Coping with withdrawal

Recovery from sex and pornography addiction is like kicking a drug, or booze. Sex and pornography addicts will go through a withdrawal process. Withdrawal symptoms can be acute, and last a few months. But most addicts develop healthier behaviors during this withdrawal period. This period of withdrawal is usually characterized by:

• Cravings

• Strange sexual dreams and fantasies

• Peculiar physical symptoms

• Restlessness and mood changes

Sex or porn addiction is more than having gotten hooked on a dopamine rush. For most sex and porn addicts, the addictive behavior is entwined in a whole adaptation to life based on self-taught ways of coping with inadequacy and insecurity. Without deeper change, the addict is still at risk for relapse into the old addiction or substitution of a new one.

Accept change, follow the guidelines of recovery

It has long been accepted that the root of a sex or pornography addiction is based on a set of negative core beliefs, such as “I am not good enough”, “no one could love me as I am”, “if I have to depend on someone else to meet my needs they will never get met” and “sex is my most important need”.

These beliefs lead not only to a secret sexual life in which the addict seeks to meet his or her needs, but also leads to a slew of negative consequences that we have discussed in a previous blog. But now it is time to shed the former destructive beliefs and seek recovery. Patrick Carnes outlines his work from a 1980’s study on how recovery can work for a sex or porn addict:

First Two Years

The Developing Stage

    • Admit you have a problem and want to change
    • Seek therapy with a Certified Sex Addiction Counselor (CSAT)
    • Attend a 12-step group
    • Stop acting out (either with porn or other sexually compulsive behaviors)
    • Develop knowledge about this addiction
    • Take appropriate tests for HIV/Aids and STD’s
    • If you slip, or stop going to therapists or meetings, go back

Overcoming the Crisis Stage or Decision Making Stage

    • Coming clean about your addiction to others
    • Realizing that in the face of a crisis (an arrest, a spouse’s discovery, or losing your job) you have to do something and cannot continue doing what you were doing

The Shock Stage

    • Experiencing deep loss, feelings of separation, disbelief or numbness
    • Experiencing withdrawal, also the inability to focus, disorientation, and ambivalence
    • Overcoming the feelings of hopelessness and despair
    • Anger over having a therapist or family member set their limits or handing over the addicts’ decision making power
    • Relief that the double life is finally over

The Grief Stage

    • Grieving over the loss of a job, a spouse, legal involvement and/or the separation from their family
    • Grieving over the loss of the addiction, which was used like a friend, confidant, comforter or emotional high
    • Recognition that they were abused or neglected at some time in their life
    • Grieving over the exposure of early traumas in the addict’s life, such as early sexual trauma, parental neglect or abuse
    • Grieving over the loss of the image of the person that abused them, and acceptance that that person was an abuser, not a friend, mentor, parent or family member

The Repair Stage

    • Moving from pain and loss to forgiveness, repair, restructuring and emergence into a new life
    • Changing long held belief systems
    • Instituting new healthy belief systems
    • Taking responsibility for your actions
    • Deepening new stronger bonds with others, developing empathy and intimacy
    • Making an effort to follow instructions, complete assignments, and responding to requests. Beginning to show up on time for appointments, and/or accepting they may be wrong and promptly admitting it, are hallmarks for acceptance of this stage of repair.

Growth Stage (after two years)

  • Achieve balance
  • Develop a greater sense of self, and non-sexual forms of self-satisfaction
  • Be available to friends, family, partners and business colleagues
  • Have compassion for themselves and others
  • Develop trust in all areas of your life

Carnes said that in addition to accomplishing the above goals, he cited a number of additional factors that stood out as being important parts of the recovery process and should be considered during the five years of recovery:

  • Inpatient or residential treatment experience
  • Group treatment experience, intensive outpatient and outpatient services
  • Long-term individual therapy with a certified sex addiction counselor
  • Participation in 12-step programs
  • An active and knowledgeable sponsor
  • An ongoing spiritual life
  • The support of friends
  • A period of celibacy
  • Regular exercise, medical checkups and balanced nutrition

 

In many ways, the field of sex and pornography addiction treatment lags behind the professional and general population’s awareness of other addictions like alcoholism, drug abuse or even gambling. Resources available to treat compulsive sexual behavior have increased dramatically in the last decade. Physicians and therapists who are new to this type of patient need to be educated. It is slow process for both the health professionals and the people affected with this addiction to learn about recovery from this addiction.

 

Here are some organizations that can help

  • SASH

http://www.sash.net/

  •  Annual International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP)

http://www.iitap.com/

  •  The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsion (NCSAC)

www.NCSAC.org

  •  American Foundation for Addiction Research (AFAR)

www.AddictionResearch.com

  •  Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)

(615) 331-6230;

www.SA.org

  •  Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)

www.SLAAFWS.org

  •  Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA)

(314) 397-0867

www.Recovering-Couples.org

  •  Co SLAA (for spouses/partners of sex addicts)

http://coslaa.org/

  •  Sex Addicts Anonymous

https://saa-recovery.org/

  • Sexual Compulsives Anonymous

http://www.sca-recovery.org/

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 Resources used in this blog:

Patrick Carnes, PhD, (2000) Sexual Addiction and Compulsion: Recognition, Treatment & Recovery, CNS Spectrums 2000; 5(10): 63-72, accessed at: http://www.recoveryonpurpose.com/upload/article_sexualaddictionandcompulsion_pcarnes.pdf

Patrick J. Carnes Ph.D., David L. Delmonico Ph.D., Elizabeth Griffin M.A., (2007) In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior, Hazelden, Center City, Minnesota

Robert Weiss, LCSW, (2013), A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, Elements Behavioral Health, Los Angeles, CA

Robert Weiss and co-author Dr. Jennifer Schneider, Untangling the Web: Sex, Porn, and Fantasy Obsession in the Internet Age (2006), Alyson Books, New York, NY

Gary Wilson, blogger at: http://yourbrainonporn.com/porn-addiction-not-sex-addiction-and-why-it-matters

Paldrom Collins, and George N. Collins (2011) A Couple’s Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust and Restore Intimacy. Adams Media, Avon, Massachusetts

George Collins MA , Andrew Adleman MA (2010) Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame, New Harbinger Publications, Oakland California,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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