Tag Archives: alcoholism

Why Everyone in Recovery Must Be Trauma-Informed – For Men’s Sake Part 2

Posted on September 8, 2011 by Michael

Guest Post By: Dan Griffin of Griffin Recovery Enterprises | dan@dangriffin.com | 612-701-5842 | http://www.dangriffin.com  | “Helping Men Recover From Addiction and Experience the Limitless Possibilities of Recovery”

I was recently invited to speak at an event in the same small Virginia town where I started my recovery journey and had the chance to be with some of the people with whom I first got sober 17 years ago. There were the guys I called the Fantastic Four: my first sponsor, my first best friend in sobriety, the man who taught me how to say “Hi” to other people, and the man who had what I wanted. And there were the incredible women—especially Mama T and all the adopted grandmas.

There were new stores, new restaurants, and new people in the recovery community. Still, it was surreal for me to be back there, because in many ways nothing had changed, and I felt like no time had passed since I’d walked down the streets, scared shitless of the world and of taking the first steps of this amazing journey, building the foundation for becoming the man I am today.

Much has happened in those years. We have all grown in different ways. One of the guys—who had 10 years of sobriety when I was starting my first year—was someone I really admired. He was not much older than I was, and he had been sober since he was seventeen (I was 22 and he was 27.) He rode a Harley and was covered in tattoos. He looked confident, cool, and he loved recovery.

As we stopped on the sidewalk getting ready to cross the road, Charlie quietly said, “You know, I’m really glad you said something about that abuse stuff and how it has affected your relationships.” Charlie is one of those guys who wants everything recovery has to offer him and is just as strong after 27 years of sobriety as he has ever been. And he is incredibly humble—because he is constantly open to the lessons that life has to teach him.

Charlie then told me what the last several years had brought up for him in his recovery: past sexual abuse. This was the kind of sexual abuse that boys have been raised to think is not only NOT abuse but something to strive for, fantasize about: a female teacher being sexual with him. Never mind the fact that he was in the fifth grade. It was still sexual abuse. Now his second marriage was falling apart as he realized he had fallen in love with a woman who was drowning in her own horrific trauma history—and she was taking him down with her.

Without going into detail, Charlie said something extremely powerful about the effect of trauma: “I knew about it. I had talked about in previous fifth steps. I was meeting with a counselor just a year ago when the marriage was going to hell, and as I started talking about it I just erupted into tears and was sobbing the whole time. Then I would call other guys and talk to them about it and do the same thing.” Charlie’s body and spirit knew the impact of pre – adolescent sexual abuse, even if his mind did not. In his mind, those experiences were bragging rights. In his soul, they were killing him. “Somebody has to talk about it. All of these men are dealing with something like that, and nobody is talking about it. I have been in recovery for 27 years. Twenty-seven fine years, and I never heard guys talking about sexual abuse or early childhood trauma.” That was my experience, as well. And many men who have done trauma work have probably had very similar experiences: despite the incredible prevalence of abuse in men’s lives, very few people talk about it, and it’s difficult to find an addiction curriculum that addresses recovery with these issues in mind. We estimate that at least 75% of men and women coming into treatment for alcohol and other drug addiction have experienced at least one form of abuse. For men, we know that sexual abuse is under reported, particularly amongst boys and adolescents. We know the line between discipline and physical abuse in childhood is still undefined and unclear to many men. It is also my firm belief that in our society the process of becoming a man is inherently traumatic. And, because sexual confusion, violence and anger are so inextricably woven throughout men’s experience, it is no surprise that so many of us are perplexed about what is appropriate and not appropriate and that we struggle to find a refuge to share our most vulnerable pain. Without a safe place—a very safe place—men are not going to talk about our abuse. And if we don’t talk about it, it won’t stop.

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This coach gets down to business

Posted on June 8, 2011 by Michael

Issue Date: Addiction Professional-January-February 2010,

This coach gets down to business

by Gary A. Enos, Editor
Dave Lindbeck recalls that when he was rising in the banking industry in his 20s, he was the sort of person who would say whatever occurred to him, no matter its impact on others. He says that during his active addiction, he gave friends and colleagues plenty of reason to abandon him, only to receive patience and understanding instead.
“Thank God I didn’t get what I deserved,” says Lindbeck, now 50. One positive influence he lacked, however, was someone with whom he could discuss his career goals and how to keep them in balance during his recovery journey. Later in his banking career he would find himself playing that advisory role for others who somehow would find their way to his office, and he discovered that this put him in a comfortable place.
Lindbeck would leave his job to start a career as a business and life coach, and soon that would evolve into a specialty assisting individuals in recovery as they pursue their professional goals in all types of fields.
“The majority of my folks happened to be on the road to recovery, so I figured, ‘Why not focus on that?’” says Lindbeck, whose InStep Coaching unit of his company (http://www.instepcoaching.com) assists individuals in recovery. “I would hear clients in recovery tell me, ‘You understand me on a level that others aren’t going to.’”
Importance of balance
The name “InStep Coaching” sounds like a reference to 12-Step recovery, but Lindbeck says that’s not where the name originated. “The reason for the name is that my head as a banker was going one way, but my heart was going another,” he explains. “I wanted to see how to keep those in step.”
Likewise, he assists his coaching clients in maintaining balance between their professional and personal lives. “They need to keep their business goals in balance with personal growth, not trading one for the other,” he says.
His approach with an individual client might depend greatly on the person’s stage of recovery. Someone who has been in recovery for more than five years is well on the road and probably needs to talk mainly about maintaining balance, while someone with less than a year of sobriety might still be running into conflicts with work colleagues who remember the recent past and expect their colleague to behave in a certain way.
The presence of an employee in recovery can present numerous challenges in a workplace. A boss might be fearful of what could happen and might be more prone to micromanage. The employee might lack the maturity to deal with certain situations and could adopt a victim mentality. Lindbeck can discuss these scenarios frankly with clients. “Companies are just a big dysfunctional family,” he says.
Lindbeck, who is based in the Phoenix area, conducts his coaching sessions over the phone. Sometimes he will work with someone for whom one conversation will suffice, while others have developed a long-term professional relationship with him. Even in these cases, however, he makes sure that while he serves as a resource the client doesn’t become too dependent on the relationship-and he clearly points out that he is not serving as a sponsor. His work emphasizes the client’s professional life and goals.
“Sometimes I can be coaching the owner of the company and the top employee, and some of the challenges in the company are between the two of them,” Lindbeck says.
Experiences in youth
Lindbeck describes a somewhat familiar scenario in discussing his own progression into harmful substance use, from starting to drink in a public park in junior high school to attending keg parties with football teammates in high school to discovering drugs in college. A couple of important events occurred in his 20s. First, his alcoholic father committed suicide. He says he became determined not to be like his father, although his substance use and some of the bad behavior to colleagues that accompanied it would continue for some time.
Then, in his mid-20s, he and a colleague took a new hire to lunch. When the moment came to order drinks, and Lindbeck prepared for business as usual, the new employee said he didn’t drink and discussed openly his addiction and recovery. It was an epiphany for Lindbeck, who saw what his life had become and observed someone who had taken another path.
The employee would end up taking him to his first 12-Step meeting. It has all led him to defining his own helping role, now in the unique position of helping executives who are in recovery. “I wish I had had somebody with whom to have these kinds of conversations,” Lindbeck says.
Addiction Professional 2010 January-February;8(1):40

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For Addiction Help, Hire a ‘Sober Coach’

Posted on June 1, 2011 by Michael

These specialists practice tough love. Some move right in. But standards are nonexistent
By Angela Haupt
US News and World Report, Posted: December 21, 2010

The call of drugs and alcohol to substance abusers trying to kick their habit never goes silent. For someone who has relapsed repeatedly, a new specialist—the “sober coach”—has emerged. They are paid at least $200 an hour to work one-on-one with recovering addicts, sometimes moving into their homes at more than $1,000 a day to fulfill a 24-7 role. They are motivators and cheerleaders, role models and mentors. They don’t sugarcoat their words. And they resort to the unconventional to break a client’s addiction cycle.
A coach might go grocery shopping with his client until that person learns not to stop in the wine aisle. He’ll police an alcoholic’s morning coffee routine to ensure no rum or brandy is added. And if there’s a slip up? “I’ve used everything from ‘Shut up!’ to ‘Do you want to become a person or remain a dope fiend?’ ” says Doug Caine, founder and president of Sober Champion, a sober coaching company that has offices in Los Angeles, New York, and London. “I’ve asked, ‘Is smoking crack the best way you can serve your children?’ Every client requires a different motivating tool at a different time.”
Tough love is central to sober coaching. “We don’t do hand-holding or babysitting jobs,” Caine says. “Coaches and clients develop an intense, bonded relationship. If you’re not willing to do some work, if you won’t go to any lengths to stay clean, you’re going to have a tough time benefiting.”
Working with an outsider who is not emotionally invested in an addict’s case can be more helpful than turning to a friend or family member. “High-risk situations are not always predictable, and having someone there 24-7 is helpful,” says William Zywiak, a research scientist with the Center for Alcohol and Addiction Studies at Brown University. But it’s not for everyone, and should be complemented by other types of treatment, such as therapy sessions or support groups. “It’s a poor fit for clients with a dual diagnosis, like a mental health issue,” Zywiak says. “Coaches are experts on sobriety, not other conditions.”
Coaching sessions follow no set curriculum. Unlike Alcoholics Anonymous sponsors, coaches are not confined to a 12-step program, and services are customized to fit clients’ needs. Michelle Hirschman, a sober coach based in Santa Monica, Calif., provides 24-hour phone crisis support and meets with clients three times a week, typically for six months to two years. She helps clients learn to deal with free time by mapping out schedules with hour-by-hour activities. She also focuses on exercise, meal planning, career guidance, budgeting issues, and ways to have sober fun.
But there’s no evidence that sober coaching works. Studies of effectiveness don’t exist. And the specialty has no formal structure or discipline—coaches are not overseen by a governing body, they are unregulated, and there is no standardized or accepted training. Some coaches are recovering addicts drawing from their own struggles with addiction. Others are trained drug counselors, social workers, or psychotherapists, or have worked at residential treatment centers. “Sober coaches don’t necessarily have a sophisticated education—and because of the amount of money they’re charging, one would expect some sophistication,” says Westley Clark, director of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Center for Substance Abuse Treatment. “It becomes a matter of what are you buying, what do you get?”
Before signing on with a coach, do a credentials check—supervised training, affiliation with public and private treatment programs, and references. Ask the coach about his successes and failures, years in the field, and experience with similar cases. If the coach has an addiction history himself, inquire about her own recovery process, and how long he’s been sober. A well-qualified professional, Clark says, will be knowledgeable about the science of addiction—and about self-care, community resources, conflict resolution, and crisis intervention. He will also be respectful of confidentiality and sensitive to cultural differences.
“Anytime you have an intense one-on-one relationship, it’s a delicate situation,” Clark says. “Between the money and that intensity, boundary issues can start to surface—a client is essentially buying his treatment provider. That’s why we recommend this approach be combined with other recovery services, which can offer support and backup to both the coach and the client.”
[Drugs and Alcohol and Your Kids’ Music]
Copyright © 2011 U.S.News & World Report LP All rights reserved.

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