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I am hungry – Why?

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Melissa Killeen

Hunger can be a physical or emotional need. Understanding the need to eat is fairly straightforward. Meeting nutritional needs allows our bodies to operate to the highest potential, and will keep us feeling better. So to ease your hunger, it is advised not to turn to destructive habits, substances or negative people. This will not fill the physical or emotional emptiness that you’re feeling. Instead, find something wholesome to eat or talk to a good friend or loved one.

Maybe if we look into to why we are hungry, it can help us tease out these feelings. Feelings are, for a recovering person, very difficult to identify and challenging to discern. When we use the recovery tool known as HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, and tired) to assess our situation, we may see that being hungry is more physical and less emotional. Maybe being hungry is bringing up your emotional need for something else? Or maybe hunger comes from the physical triggers that we will explore more in this blog.

Some reasons that you are hungry

So, it’s 3:00, past lunch yet many hours before dinner, and you are hungry. All you can think about is the next time you get to eat and what you are going to eat.  It’s all you can do not to scarf down whatever is in the nearest vending machine. But what gives? You ate a good lunch, why are you ravenous now? Turns out, our brains and bodies are frequently conspiring to trick us into thinking it’s time to eat when it really isn’t.

I bet you didn’t sleep enough last night. Ever notice your grumbling stomach is a bit louder on the days after a fitful night’s sleep? That’s because too little sleep has been linked to higher levels of the hormone ghrelin, which is responsible for triggering hunger. This recent study from Northwestern University showed that people who regularly stay up late are also more likely to eat unhealthier food, weigh more and eat more during the evening, compared with people who go to bed early. And to make matters worse, when you’re sleep deprived, you’ll usually crave carbohydrates, and calorie-laden foods, as your body searches for alternate sources of energy. Researchers at the University of Chicago think this could be a clue as to why people who regularly get too little sleep are at a greater risk of obesity.

You had dinner at your Mother’s last night and ate too much. Science doesn’t have a completely fool-proof explanation for this sensation yet, (of eating too much, not the sensation of eating at Mom’s) but there’s no denying that you are hungrier in the morning after going to bed stuffed to the gills. Contrary to common belief, it’s not that your stomach is stretched out, but more likely a result of the type of foods you overindulged in. If you overdid it on starches, you could have triggered dramatic changes in your blood sugar that trick the brain into thinking you’re still not full. I believe that this phenomenon is the reason why we will eat cold pizza for breakfast after a night a watching the World Series and downing four other pizzas, chips and soda.

You’re pre-menstrual. Guys, you are off the hook here. But many women intuitively know this, and now there is proof to back up those thoughts that PMS is really the reason you ate the whole container of Ben and Jerry’s. During the pre-menstrual phase, progesterone production increases. This increased hormone production boosts your appetite but also increases your general malaise about your body in general, as if you weren’t already emotional enough.

You could have had granola instead of Pop Tarts. The most important meal of the day is breakfast. It is also the one that is most under pressure to be eaten dashing out the door, while driving in the car or standing at the bus stop. Eating the wrong thing for breakfast can throw off an entire day. A 2013 study suggested that one of the most important breakfast component is protein. A serving in the range of 300-400 calories of fruit, plain yogurt, eggs and yes, even a turkey sausage or bacon is an ideal breakfast. In this study, people who ate high-protein breakfasts were less likely to reach for fatty, sugary foods later in the day. You might also be getting too little fiber or fat, both of which help keep you full. As many as 31 million people in the U.S. skip breakfast each day, with men ages 18 to 34 leading the pack. So that is why so many people join you in the break room at 3pm.

Some medication’s side effects include weight gain. In the last 20 years, the number of meds with weight gain side effects has increased from one in 10 to one in four.  The drugs you should be concerned about are drugs for chronic diseases, like diabetes and psychiatric problems, because you may have to be using these drugs for a long time. Even innocuous meds like over-the-counter sleep aids can cause weight gain by slowing your metabolism, or by altering the hormones in your body that control your appetite. If you use a drug for chronic conditions that require life-long treatment, experts suggest discussing your medication with your doctor. There could be a similar drug without the weight gain side effect.

You are hooked on diet soda. A zero-calorie sweet drink sends a message to the brain that calories are on their way. Then, no calories are actually delivered, this triggers the brain to send out hunger pangs to compensate for that bait-and-switch. More research is being completed on this, so in the meantime, it’s probably a good idea to cut out or at least cut back on artificially-sweetened pop.

Open a bottle of water, you’re actually just thirsty.A little mild dehydration can give you a sluggish, fatigued feeling and, just like when you’re sleep deprived, the body often turns to calories for fuel. That means, when you experience what you think is hunger, it’s really thirst. Weight-loss experts often suggest drinking a glass of water and then waiting a few minutes before giving in to the craving for something to eat.

You are on a tele-conference call and you’re bored. Dopamine is a chemical messenger in the brain linked with motivation, stimulation and reward. Dopamine makes us feel good about eating, so we don’t forget to do it, which is not exactly a problem for most of us! So, in the absence of more stimulating fare, like drugs, alcohol, sex, or internet gaming, the handy dopamine neuron-stimulating electrode in our brain triggers a lever whenever we fancy a thrill, like during a telephone conference call, and the food starts calling to us.

You’re emotionally impaired, angry or stressed. Yes, there’s a biological reason for emotional eating, too. Think fight or flight. Our natural stress response is technically an evolutionary tactic to help us avoid becoming someone else’s dinner. In the face of stress, hearts race, muscles fire – all to give us the ability to run away or be eaten. Once we are safe, our body relaxes and our brain sends messages to refuel and replenish for the next harrowing experience. So stress activates a couple of brain systems to increase appetite. It seems to trigger cravings for sugary or fatty foods, and a flight to the corporate cafeteria before they close.

So what can a person do to avoid the constant and dreaded desire to eat when they are not really hungry?

Of course, the most obvious advice is to avoid it in the first place: drink water, avoid stress, chose foods that will keep you full longer, avoid carbs, and eat foods that are high in volume and low in calories, like leafy greens, which are also full of protein and fiber. Beyond that, all you can do is some damage control: eat a sensible, filling breakfast (oatmeal, granola egg-veggie scrambles!), walk around the office, straighten the copy area, talk to your colleagues, and know that the hunger will pass.

Next week’s blog will focus on making decisions when you are hungry and what the research says.

This blog was based on the following research:

Sleep Deprivation Could Increase Hunger, What a Study Suggests. (7/10/12 ) Huffington Post. See more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/10/sleep-hunger-deprivation-_n_1659954.html

Night Owls at Risk for Weight Gain, People who go to bed late and sleep late eat more fast food and weigh more, (5. 4. 2011) Marla Paul, Northwestern University web site – See more at: http://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2011/05/night-owls-weight-gain.html

Why Am I Hungry After A Big Meal? (7.18.2012) Meredith Melnick, Huffington Post. See more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/why-am-i-hungry_n_1677364.html

Differential associations between ovarian hormones and disordered eating symptoms across the menstrual cycle in women, (6. 07. 2011), Sarah E. Racine MA, Kristen M. Culbert MA, Pamela K. Keel PhD, Cheryl L. Sisk PhD, S. Alexandra Burt PhD and Kelly L. Klump PhD. Article first published online: 7 JUN 2011, International Journal of Eating Disorders. Volume 45, Issue 3, pages 333–344, April 2012, Wiley Online Library. See more at: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/eat.20941/full 

31 Million Americans Skip Breakfast Each Day (10.11.10). Huffington Post. See more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/11/31-million-americans-skip_n_1005076.html

Why We’re Saying ‘No Thanks’ To Diet Soda, (7.24.2013), Amanda L. Chan, Huffington Post. See more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/24/diet-soda-health-risks_n_3606906.html

The Mayo Clinic Web Site, De Hydration definition, 2014, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, see more at: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dehydration/basics/symptoms/con-20030056

 Do You Eat Out of Boredom? The biology of boredom eating…and how to beat it.(12.4. 2011), Psychology Today. See more at: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/bad-appetite/201112/do-you-eat-out-boredom

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I am lonely — Part Three

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Melissa Killeen

What Can I Do?
John Cacioppo author and researcher on loneliness, offers a few tips on how to overcome being lonely:

Recognize that loneliness is a sign that something needs to change. Notice your self-deflating thoughts. We often create self-centered stories to explain our feelings when we are young, it is not unusual for children to assume that there is something wrong with them if they are not happy. If they are lonely and sad, children may assume other people don’t like them. You are not five any more, you can address loneliness as an adult.

Realize that loneliness is a feeling, not a fact. Habitual assumptions about negative social status continue into adulthood and if you are looking for evidence that the world sucks, you can always find it.When you are feeling lonely, it is because something has triggered a memory of that feeling, not because you are in fact, isolated and alone. The brain is designed to pay attention to pain and danger, and that includes triggering painful scary feelings. Many times these triggering scary memories create lonely feelings.

But then the brain tries to make sense of the feeling. Why am I feeling this way? Is it because nobody loves me? Because I am a loser? Because everyone else is mean? Theories about why you are feeling lonely can become confused with facts. Then it becomes a bigger problem, so just realize that you are having this feeling as temporary and not to overreact.

Make a plan. If you realize you are dealing with an emotional habit, you can make a plan to deal with loneliness. Since healthy interaction with friends is good, make some effort to reach out to others, to initiate conversation and face time even when your loneliness and depression are telling you not to. Yes, it is work, but it is worthwhile, just like exercising is good. Reach out because loneliness is painful and can confuse you into thinking that you are a loser, an outcast or less than. You might react by withdrawing into yourself, your thoughts, and your lonely feelings, and this is not helpful. At its best, anticipation of loneliness might motivate us to reach out and cultivate friendships, which is the healthiest thing to do if you are sad and alone. When you are a child, and your sadness causes you to cry, you may evoke a comforting response from others. If you’re an adult, crying about your isolating life style rarely receives a positive response.

Understand the effects that loneliness has on your life, both physically and mentally. Morbidity among lonely people is increased by 45%. Loneliness is associated with depression and anxiety. Loneliness effects your heart, your immune system and increases the likelihood of Alzheimer’s disease. What to do? Embrace a healthy lifestyle, eat right, exercise every day, develop an awareness of wellness, visit your dentist, get that mammogram, start taking care of yourself and at the same time you will be combating loneliness.

Consider doing community service or another activity that you enjoy. Volunteer for a good cause. You don’t have to worry about interacting with people, you all have something in common, because you are all doing something good.You have the power to offer loving kindness and generosity of spirit to all with whom you come into contact. These situations present great opportunities to meet people and cultivate new friendships and social interactions.Focus on the needs and feelings of others, and less attention on your own lonely thoughts and feelings. You can walk down the street thinking about your loneliness and the hopelessness of it all, staring at the sidewalk or your cell phone. Or you can walk down that same street grateful for the diversity of people you get to share the sidewalk with, silently wishing them good health and good fortune, and smiling at each person you pass. The latter is more fun. Be persistent even if a particular group  seems to be not a good fit for you. Just try another group! AA, NA and Al Anon recommend that you try six different meetings to find one that suits you best. If you are persistent, challenging the not good enough assumptions, quelling the feelings that tell you to give up and shutting off the old tapes that tell you to resign yourself to a life of a troll, you can emerge from isolation by just showing up! By being curious, adventurous and kind to others in groups, you can squash your loneliness.

Focus on developing quality relationships with people who share similar attitudes, interests and values with you. Find others like you. Nowadays there are more tools than ever before for finding out where the knitters, hikers or computer code writers are congregating through meet-up sites advertised on the Internet. This makes it much easier to identify groups with ideas similar to yours. At the activities, you don’t have to tell jokes like a stand up comic or run for president of the knitter’s society at your first meeting. But you do have to show up. Remember, always show up when meeting with others. No shows make people doubt your reliability, and then they do not invite you to participate again because of your past record of not showing up. Therefore as a result of having no invitations to go places,  you feel more isolated. This is the vicious circle of loneliness. So, show up!

Be curious, but don’t expect perfection or applause. Each time you show up, it is an experiment, a micro adventure in social bonding. If you are curious about and interested in others, they will be attracted to you because you are giving them attention. So you will get attention in return. Curiosity about others also takes your focus away from those painful feelings that tend to make you hide and sulk. Kindness and curiosity goes a long way.

Develop one good intimate friend. And once you have a friend or two, nourish those friendships with time and attention. Don’t be too analytical about whether you are giving more than you are getting. If you make more friends and some of them are takers, you can choose to spend more time with the other friends who give and reward your friendship.

And finally,

Expect the best. Lonely people often expect rejection, so instead, focus on positive thoughts and attitudes in your social relationships.


Research gathered for this post came from:

Daniel Askt, (2008, Sept. 21). A talk with John Cacioppo: A Chicago scientist suggests that loneliness is a threat to your health. The Boston Globe Found online at http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/09/21/a_talk_with_john_cacioppo/

Cacioppo, J. T., Fowler, J. H., & Christakis, N. A. (in press). Alone in the crowd: The structure and spread of loneliness in a large social network. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Cacioppo, J. (2008, Nov. 3). John Cacioppo on How to Cope with Loneliness. Big Think. Found online at http://bigthink.com/johncacioppo/john-cacioppo-on-how-to-cope-with-loneliness

Cacioppo, et al. (2009). What Are the Brain Mechanisms on Which Psychological Processes Are Based? Perspectives on Psychological Science, 4 (1): 10 DOI: 10.1111/j.1745-6924.2009.01094.x

Loneliness affects how the brain operates. (2009, Feb. 19). Science Daily Found online at http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090215151800.htm

Shute, N. (2008, Nov. 12). Why loneliness is bad for your health. U.S. News and World Report. Found online at http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/2008/11/12/why-loneliness-is-bad-for-your-health.html

You Tube TED talk with John Cacioppo, accessed at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0hxl03JoA0.

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I am afraid of getting sober

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Melissa Killeen

I guess no one ever said “I am afraid of getting sober.” Many of us have said “no way” or “I can’t” but to articulate “I am afraid” is a bit more difficult. It takes some introspection.

Fear of the unknown is normal. And for sure, going through sobriety for someone who has been drinking, drugging or acting out for the past few decades, it is the fear of this change that is driving their inability to grasp sobriety.

Consider entering a treatment center. Even if you’ve been in and out of treatment centers for years, you are not sure you will get along with the new therapists, and you dread having a roommate. Then just as you get settled in and get used to the rhythm of the place, your 30, 60 or 90 days are up and you have to leave. Fear comes crashing down again and you become filled with anxiety. What will happen when you leave this place? The only place where you could stay safe and sober.You’ve gone through detox and sat through hours of lectures, therapy and group discussions, probed your deepest fears and reasons for using, learned and practiced coping techniques, and created a plan for your recovery. It certainly wasn’t easy, but you should feel a great deal of self-accomplishment. Your reward is to go out into the real world and return home to your family, to begin to live a clean and sober lifestyle. Easier said than done. Fear is lurking behind every corner. How will I do this? How can I cope?

Fear actually draws us in, rather than repelling us. Fear makes us alert to danger; it helps guide our decision-making process. But too much fear can be paralyzing in life, and in addiction recovery. Fear can be a precursor to relapse. Here are some of the fears common among people in recovery, along with suggestions for facing them:

#1 – I am afraid of dealing with life sober Getting sober means you replace your primary coping mechanism – drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, eating or acting out – with new, unfamiliar ones. This change-process can be uncomfortable, particularly for someone who is afraid of feeling their feelings and not used to dealing with those feelings sober. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be worth it? Yes. Will sobriety be boring? A little, but it will grow on you. Is sobriety sustainable? Yes, if you don’t wallow in your feelings of fear. Staying stuck in fear generally means staying stuck in addiction.

What to Do: Nelson Mandela said, “The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.Rather than running from it, feel the fear and then take one step forward, anyway – just like in the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, during Indy’s search for the Holy Grail, when he reaches a dead end, a precipitous drop into a deep, deep chasm with nothing between him and the Holy Grail, some fifty feet beyond him. He was filled with fear, but he took a step forward and magically a bridge appeared. So be like Indiana, take that step. Use the promises of recovery: go to a meeting or a support group where other people in recovery share their success stories, meet with a therapist or spiritual advisor, and then, phone a friend. Once you try some of these tools to support your recovery, you may find that sobriety is not as scary as you once thought.

#2 – I can’t do it, I’m a failure. Recovery presents challenges, whether you have one day or ten years of sobriety. There are times when you’ll doubt yourself. There will be days when you are outside of your comfort zone. And to be honest, you will not practice recovery perfectly. There will be times when you will slip, or relapse. At this point, you can either conclude that you don’t deserve the gift of recovery and return to your addiction. Or you can say “I have what it takes, and I never want to go back there again.”

What to Do: Many addicts are perfectionists who have difficulty accepting that making mistakes is a human characteristic and risks learning opportunities. True, about half of recovering addicts relapse at some point. But some people don’t relapse. If you do relapse, it is a learning experience you will never forget. The biggest lesson is — you haven’t failed at all. Others have succeeded in spite of fear, and so can you. According to the Partnership at Drugfree.org, more than 23 million people in the U.S. are in long-term recovery from drug and alcohol problems. That is twice as many National Rifle Association members, and two thirds the membership of AARP (American Association of Retired People)!

#3 – What is self-sabotage? The fear of success. If I keep relapsing, why am I doing it? Most people don’t consciously see their self-sabotage, but they have a deeply held belief that they don’t deserve good things. Whether those good things are a great job, a good relationship with their family, or money in the bank. So believing they are not worthy, they never really put forth their best effort. Sometimes self-sabotage presents itself as feeling doomed from the start, sometimes it is self-doubt and most of the time it is the addict’s fear of not doing something perfectly that sabotages their sobriety.

What to Do: We are all afraid of the unknown, the future. We can’t control the future, we don’t know what it is or what lies ahead of us, and so we are scared. Instead of fretting over what might be, practice being mindful of the present. Feel the fear and do it anyway. The 19th Century poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Knowing that, if you fall down, get up. Breathe through the feelings of self-sabotage, fear, or that you are a failure, and move forward – and then notice how the fear begins to dissipate.

#4 – They never liked me, they are talking about me behind my back The fear of rejection. Are you worried that you have been abandoned by your family, your spouse or your kids? Are you judged by others? Some people refuse to admit that they have a drug problem because of this fear of rejection. They don’t reach out to others for support, because it will make them “look bad.” Yet without taking the step of admitting you’re an addict, there can be no recovery.

What to Do: Go to a meeting and share.Fear of rejection can be overcome by pushing yourself to work a recovery program even when you don’t want to. How many people in the rooms say the reason they feared entering 12-step rooms was the fear of seeing someone they knew. Research shows that by simply describing your feelings at stressful times makes you less afraid and less anxious. The simple act of putting your fears into words taps into the parts of the brain responsible for logic and emotional regulation, decreasing fear and anxiety. Getting current is the tool that is used in many 12-step rooms – it is the tool for sharing your feelings and decreasing anxiety.

#5 – I enjoy drinking!  Fear of losing your identity. I love tailgate parties, I think so deeply when I am stoned, I had some of my best experiences when I was high. That was then, this is now. After months or years of being fixated on drugs and alcohol, who are you if you aren’t loaded? Do you really like not knowing where you parked your car? Or who you slept with last night? Or how you will pay your rent?  What are your hopes, desires and values? Are your dreams coming true? These are some of the most difficult questions in recovery. Will you lose your identity as a cool dude? The answers may change over time.

What to Do: In recovery, you have a unique opportunity to redefine yourself. Spend some time thinking back to who you were before you started using drugs, and revisit old interests. Once the fog lifts, new ideas come into your head, cool ideas that do not include drinking. Are you thinking about trying out a new sport, like rock climbing or a scholarly pursuit, such as finishing your Bachelor’s degree? Eventually these ideas will form a new identity, a sober you. Each step will not only help you maintain your sobriety, but also move you closer to the ultimate goal of figuring out who you are – a cool, sober dude.

#6 – I am not happy when I’m not drinking, I fear the perpetual misery of not drinking. What if I do the hard work of recovery and I am still miserable? Many times in recovery we hear the slogan, “Learning to live life on life’s terms.” After years of drugs flooding the brain with Dopamine some people find it difficult to find pleasure in normal activities. Others find it hard to attend a party without a drink in their hand. Life will keep coming at you, bills to pay, a girlfriend will leave you, or you stick your foot in your mouth at a business meeting. Your option will be to not drink over it. Some get clean and sober only to find that they still feel angry, anxious or depressed. Don’t be overly distressed about feeling blue during the first few weeks of recovery. But if the condition lasts considerably longer, or if you find that your feelings of sadness continue for months, get in touch with your doctor. 75% of people with addictions also have a co-occurring mental illness, such as anxiety or depression. For years, perhaps the drugs or alcohol you were using were a form of self-medication?

What to Do: Some of the damage inflicted by prolonged drug use will be repaired the longer you stay sober. Long-term substance use can also damage internal organs and the brain. See a general practitioner and tell them about your addiction. Request a series of lab tests to ensure you are healthy. Read up on vitamin-replacement therapy, consider taking some vitamins such as magnesium, fish oil, vitamin C and zinc. See a psychiatrist for a behavioral health assessment. Visit a dentist, the ravages of drug use on your teeth’s enamel can be fixed. Just as important as stopping the use of all mood-altering substances is actively engaging in a program of wellness and self-care. Invest in yourself and your life in recovery will be truly joyful.

So maybe you can relate to these six fears of getting sober. Maybe you can share this with a friend who keeps relapsing. Maybe you can integrate these fears into the working mechanics of your sober life. Fear doesn’t stop when you get sober. It morphs into something somewhat similar, just without the substance involved. So you’ll be able to conquer those fears too. Because you have done it already, you have conquered your fears and remained sober..

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