Category Archives: Sex Addiction

Who uses pornography?

Posted on January 16, 2015 by Melissa Killeen

Melissa Killeen

A small snapshot of who uses sexually explicit material

It is important to understand who uses pornography as a complete picture before jumping to a conclusion that every person that views porn is a dirty, old man. The use of sexually-explicit materials differs greatly from men and women. Here is a small snapshot of who uses sexually-explicit materials (the scientific name for pornography).

A study of 433, 12-22 years olds in the U.S. found that 85 percent of the males and 50 percent of the females in the study reported having, either intentionally or accidentally, visited a sexually-explicit website. Within a sample of 506 U.S. college students, 59 percent of men and 34 percent of the women reported accessing pornography online for sexual entertainment purposes. Reported rates of intentionally using sexually-explicit material, including the viewing of multiple types of material such as online content, films shown in movie theaters, viewing DVDs and/or the reading of printed material, was researched with 813 U.S. college students. 87 percent of these participants were college-age men who viewed pornography, 50 percent of this group viewed porn weekly and 20 percent of them viewed it daily or every other day. 31 percent of the group were college-age women and they viewed pornography, as well.

A 2001 Forrester Research report claimed the average age of a male visitor to an adult web page was 41, with an annual income of $60,000. According to the same report, 19 percent of the visitors to adult-content sites, were both regular and repeat customers. Of that 19 percent group of repeat viewers, 25 percent were women, 46 percent of the group were married, and 33 percent had children.

Dutch research has documented that men and women use sexually-explicit material differently. This research reveals men consume more pornography than women. Dutch males were exposed to porn at a younger age (13) than Dutch women (15), and this may be a reason for the male’s increased use. Men use porn most often in a room, in isolation, whereas women have indicated a preference for viewing it online with a romantic partner or engaging in interactive sexual activity. Furthermore, men are more likely to experience sexual arousal and masturbate while viewing porn, than women.

According to data taken from Internet users who took part in the General Social Survey for the year 2000, the following are predictors of online pornography use:

Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females.
Those who are happily married are 61% less likely to look at porn.
Those who are politically more liberal are 19% more likely to look at porn.
Those who had committed adultery are 218% more likely to look at porn.
Those who had engaged in paid sex are 270% more likely to look at porn.
Those with teen children are 45% less likely to look at porn.

How people access pornographic sites is changing as well, moving from the desktop to handheld devices. After an analysis of more than one million hits to Google’s mobile search sites, more than 1 in 5 searches were for pornography on cell phones and tablets. By 2015, pornographic content and services accessed on mobile devices is expected to reach $2.8 billion. Mobile adult subscriptions are now reaching nearly $1 billion, and the number of adult videos viewed on mobile devices or tablets will triple worldwide. The largest surge is in the adult market are the mobile phone applications that use GPS to find people with similar sexual interests within a certain geographic area. Bender, Grindr or Adam4Adam are such applications. Although not pornography as such, these applications are considered adult features, because the app requires subscribers to be 18 or older.

The next post in our series on porn addiction will look at the effect of pornography on the brain.

References used in creating this blog:

General Social Survey, a survey running since 1972 at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, and is part of The National Data Program for the Sciences. Accessed at: http://www3.norc.org/GSS+Website/

Gert Martin Hald, (2006) Gender Differences in Pornography Consumption among Young Heterosexual Danish Adults, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36:577-585, DOI 10.1007/s10508-006-9064-0. Accessed at: http://www.hawaii.edu/hivandaids/Gender_Differences_in_Pornography_
Consumption_among_Young_Heterosexual_Danish_Adults.pdf

CovenantEyes.com, a web site for Covenant Eyes, a pioneer of Internet accountability and filtering software, located in Owosso, MI .http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/02/19/pornography-statistics/

Elizabeth M. Morgan (2011) Associations between Young Adults’ Use of Sexually Explicit Materials and Their Sexual Preferences, Behaviors, and Satisfaction

Boise State University, Scholarworks, Psychology Faculty Publications and Presentations, Accessed at: http://scholarworks.boisestate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1044&context=psych_facpubs

Posted in Addiction, Pornography, Recovery Coaching, Research, Sex Addiction | Tagged addiction, female use of porn, male use of porn, pornography, statistics on pornography use | Comments Off

What is Porn Addiction?

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Melissa Killeen

Melissa Killeen

How bad is pornography use?

“It is as though we have devised a form of heroin . . . usable in the privacy of one’s own home and injected directly to the brain through the eyes.”

—Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, Princeton University

In 2006, the global pornography industry was valued at more than 97 billion dollars, more than the revenue of Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple, and Netflix, combined. This is not an inconsequential phenomenon, yet there is a tendency to trivialize the ravages of porn. The sex industry has successfully characterized pornography as a First Amendment right. If pornography addiction is viewed objectively, evidence indicates that it does indeed cause harm to people, their families and their communities. Here are some statistics on the enormity of the pornographic industry:

$3,075.64 is spent on pornography every second
28,258 people are viewing pornography every second
372 people are typing adult search terms every second
68 million daily pornographic keyword search engine requests, which is 25% of all search engine requests.

China, South Korea and Japan are the largest consumers of pornographic material. The Chinese porn industry is roughly $28 billion. This amount can feed 62 % of the world’s hungry. The United States comes up fourth in global pornographic consumption, but is the largest producer of pornographic material. Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is produced in the United States.

25 % of the pornography viewers in the United States make between $50,000 and $75,000 per year, which means they are engineers, technicians, directors, clergy, doctors, lawyers — educated and upstanding members of any community. Here are some very, scary statistics on illegal pornography use in the United States:

116,000 daily requests for child pornography
100,000 websites offer illegal child pornography
11 is the average age of a child’s first exposure to porn
1 in 7 youths have received sexual solicitation from the Internet; that translates to three kids in your child’s classroom have been approached online

On the surface, heroin and porn don’t seem to have a lot in common. One is purchased in seedy alleyways; the other is free to download. One habit can get expensive pretty fast, while the other is about the price of a high-speed Internet connection. As a recovery coach, I know the painful consequences of either addiction. However today, pornography addiction is an unrecognized epidemic.

Next week, in part 2 of What is porn addiction?, I will explain the scientific reasons proving why pornography is so addictive.

Posted in Addiction, Pornography, Recovery Coaching, Sex Addiction | Tagged pornography addiction, Sex Addiction, SLAA, statistics on pornography use | 5 Comments

What is sex addiction?

Posted on December 26, 2014 by Melissa Killeen

Melissa Killeen

What is sex addiction?

As a recovery coach it is important that I am familiar with every addiction. Growing up during the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s, I was amazed when I learned about sex as being addictive. That’s what we were supposed to be doing in college—exploring sex, right? Well, not to the extent that some of us were exploring sex, that’s for sure. Sexual addiction (identified in the DSM-5 as hyper sexuality) is a very real addiction with very real consequences that are every bit as devastating as heroin, cocaine or alcohol addiction. Some recovering addicts call sex addiction their core addiction.

Of course, the definition of sex addiction varies from person to person, based on an individual’s life circumstances (married/single, gay/straight, religious background, community standards, etc.). Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts.

For some, sex addiction, or the behavior described as “acting out,” can be a solitary activity, such as compulsive masturbation, the extensive use of pornography or sexual fantasy. Some compulsive activities include participating in phone sex or video sex services. For others, sexual addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape. Many of the sex addicts that sit in the rooms of twelve-step programs like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous or Sexaholics Anonymous, speak about their addiction as having repeated sexual encounters with others, lacking any connection, intimacy, or relationship commitment, and often without even knowing their partner’s last name (this is called anonymous sex). And many times obtaining these sexual services through escort services, massage parlors, strip clubs or prostitutes.

The nature of this illness causes individuals a lot of shame and guilt, and they hide the problem from others because they think they can control their behavior to minimize the damage to their wife, job or community status. This includes being deceptive with their physicians because of their immense shame. If they hold any type of leadership position (e.g., church, business, community, or politics), the fact that they feel they have to be models of moral behavior compounds the problem, adding to their shame and guilt. This addiction also involves the abuse of power, including that which is held over minors, congregants, employees, patients, or other persons under the authority of the sex addict. Any exploitation of power, or complaint of exploitation, can mean removal from duties, furthering the cycle of fear. The following examples illustrate the diversity and complexity of this addiction:

Tiger Woods received sex-addiction treatment after he admitted to a number of infidelities; at least a dozen women came forward to claim they’d had sex with him. In 2008, actor David Duchovny announced that he had checked himself into a rehabilitation facility for treating sex addiction. Charlie Sheen recently sought help in controlling a variety of runaway appetites, including a fondness for the company of porn actresses. Republican Congressmen Christopher Lee resigned after he was caught e-mailing a shirtless photo of himself, hoping to entice a woman he met on Craigslist. Joining the stupid-photo-society was Andrew Weiner, former member of the United States House of Representatives from New York City, caught sending explicit sexual material by cell phone, better known as sexting. Let’s not forget Mark Sanford, the Governor of South Carolina, who told his wife and staff he was hiking the Appalachian Mountain Trail while he actually traveled to Argentina to visit his mistress. The sexual exploits of the rich, and powerful are not limited to the U.S. Remember Silvio Berlusconi, the uninhibited Prime Minister of Italy, who was accused of having paid an underage girl to have sex with him? Dominique Strauss Kahn, International Monetary Fund chief, was forced to resign following a series of allegations made against him. The former French President, François Mitterand, was found to have been living a double life throughout his presidency with a long-term mistress, fathering two children with her. All these cases differ in scope, but a central question remains: Why would these men risk everything to satisfy their sexual urges?

It is important to note that women can suffer from sexual addiction, too. Recently, a New Jersey teacher was convicted of child sexual abuse, and had the child of the young male victim. Last year, I posted the story about a 40-year-old female entitled, “Soccer Mom—Sex Addict,” a suburban housewife and soccer mom who had sex with over 140 men. Jennifer Lopez admitted this winter, that she was a love addict (more on love addiction later in this blog series). In fact, for every three men with sexual compulsivity, there is one woman with the disorder. This ratio parallels the gender ratios of compulsive gambling and alcoholism. The belief of many that women (especially moral or religious women) do not have this problem, helps keep it secret. Yet a female suffers the shame and guilt of having a sexual disorder and the shame and guilt from being a woman who has found herself victimized, as well.

Is it possible I am a sex addict?

There are many assessments available for people who may have questions about their sexual behavior. SLAA has the 40 Questions assessment and Dr. Patrick Carnes provides several assessments on his web site sexhelp.com. Maybe the following descriptions or characterizations based on research completed by Patrick Carnes can help you identify if you might be a sex addict.

Most sex addicts grow up in dysfunctional families, surrounded by parents, siblings or caregivers who display addictive and compulsive behaviors with a lack of intimacy, as a result of these behaviors. Research has found that more than 87 percent of sex addicts come from a detached, uninvolved, or emotionally-absent family. Compulsive sexual behavior is a sign of a significant intimacy disorder and the inability to meet one’s emotional needs.

Children who grow up in these dysfunctional families have ways of keeping themselves safe, these ways continue into adulthood and are extremely self-limiting. Children from these families limit their own growth by their thoughts. Such amindset shapes how children view the world, leading them to believe that what’s happening to them is outside their control and is everyone else’s fault.

Sometimes there is a conflict with authority. For kids growing up in an alcoholic household, complying with authority means an essential loss of self. So as adults, they become comfortable hiding things from those in authority and resistant to accountability for their actions.

A sexually compulsive person may have a history of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. Starting at a very young age, addictions may have served as a defense mechanism and a way to manage stress during their abusive childhood, oftentimes through compulsive masturbation or the use of a sexual fantasies. One of the effects of abusive families and childhood sexual abuse is as adults, survivors sexualize all interactions. Telling dirty jokes in the break room, commenting on how a complete stranger was ready to marry them after hearing one compliment, fantasizing about movie or rock stars or falling in love with their doctors, are typical examples.

Shame also comes from an upbringing in a dysfunctional home. The child never had the positive reinforcement necessary for developing a sense of self, and truly believed they were “no good.” The old tapes of a parent chastising them were never erased. The constant failure to stop the compulsive masturbation or use of pornography reinforces those old tapes, supporting the belief that the child was fundamentally flawed and unlovable.

Occasionally, times are so bad that an abused child will dissociate or compartmentalize, which is a survival mechanism that allows the child to avoid the reality of the abuse. Dissociation is moving from reality into a dreamlike state during an abusive situation. Dissociative disorders prevail with adults, and can be called daydreaming or diagnosed as adult ADD. For adults, compartmentalization means dividing up life into small boxes or compartments and dealing with each box separately. For example: this box is my family, this box is my secret sexual life, and this box is work. Everyone tries to place work into a box, so they don’t take work home and start talking to their spouse like she was an employee. This is not a healthy form of relating to a loved one. By compartmentalizing, a person puts their sexual behaviors in a box and places it so far back on the top shelf in a closet that they really believe no none will discover their sexual behavior box. They can then lie to others without distress, because it is not present in their reality right at that moment.

I am sure you have heard about binge drinking or binge eating. Sex addicts will also binge. In fact 72% of them binge. They stay up all night or all weekend watching porn, they visit a park and have sex with several anonymous partners or go to a swingers’ club. There is also a form of purging associated with sexual binging behavior. I am sure you have heard of a clergyman who opposes same-sex marriage and is publicly anti-homosexual. Every Sunday, he rants against homosexuality from the pulpit, writes anti-same-sex marriage editorials, and participates in protests. This is the clergyman purging, because later he is discovered meeting men for sexual encounters in a public restroom.

Sex addicts are totally oblivious to the consequences of their behavior when engaged in their addiction. Frequently, addicts reported knowing their behavior would be disastrous, but engaged in it anyway. High-risk behaviors, which result in severe consequences, such as loss of career or arrest, add to the stimulation of the sexual acts or behaviors. This is because when as children they are abused sexually, their young minds blend fear and being aroused by a sexual act, together. For adults that have survived sexual trauma, sex will contain either a fear component or power component, which results in risk-seeking sex.

Sometimes, a sex addict has another addiction or a mental health diagnosis. When this occurs it is called a co-occurring disorder. For example, 41% of sex addicts have problems with alcohol or drugs, and 38% have an eating disorder. Other problems include depression, obsessive compulsions, compulsive gambling, compulsive spending, and nicotine addiction. Usually, compulsive sexual behavior is part of an intricate web of behaviors used to manage internal distress. Many studies have proven that addicts will switch or replace one form of acting out with another addictive and compulsive disorder.

As with all addictive and compulsive disorders, when acute depression is present it is constantly intensified by the failure to control one’s behavior. Other co-occurring issues include mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and abnormal personality traits which could be presented as an individual feeling anxious, fearful, dramatic, distrustful, or exhibiting bizarre or eccentric behaviors.

So, after you read this post and review the assessments, you might ask “Am I a sex addict?” This is a question best discussed between you and a therapist. I highly suggest you speak to a therapist that is a Certified Sex Addiction Counselor or a member of SASH, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health. Once you feel comfortable disclosing your thoughts and/or behavior, you and your therapist can discuss the issues of family, control, dysfunction, and abuse. A Certified Sex Addiction Counselor (CSAT) can assist you in finding tools for managing stress, shame reduction, and relapse prevention. Understanding what is normal sexual behavior and what is compulsive sexual behavior is critical to this therapeutic discussion.

I strongly suggest to you that sex addiction is not an addiction that anyone can self-manage, and the next series of posts will help further define all of the intricate ways sex addiction can present itself. I invite you to read next week’s post, and if you like, share this blog post with a friend.

Resources used in this blog:

Time Magazine, John Cloud (2.28. 2011) Sex Addiction: A Disease or a Convenient Excuse? Is it a real disease or an excuse for men to cheat and spend hours on porn sites? The inside story on uncontrollable desire. © 2014 Time Inc
http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2050027,00.html

Huffington Post, Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S, What the Heck Is Sex and Relationship Rehab? (10.5.1) © Huffington Post 2014 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/politicians-sex-addiction/

Patrick J. Carnes, PhD, (10.2000), Sexual addiction and compulsion: recognition, treatment & recovery. CNS Spectrums,Task-Centered Competency-Based Approach to Treatment Volume 5 – Number 10 ● October 2000 ©1998
CNS Spectrums 2000; 5(10): 63-72
http://www.iitap.com/documents/ARTICLE_
SexualAddictionAndCompulsion_PCarnes.pdf

Psychology Today, Neel Burton, MD, (5.9.12) The 10 Personality Disorders: A short, sharp look into the 10 personality disorders.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/the-10-personality-disorders

Posted in Recovery Coaching, Sex Addiction | Tagged child sexual abuse, hypersexual disorder, Sex Addiction, trauma | Comments Off