Category Archives: Research

Performance Addiction: If I do this, then will I finally be happy?

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Melissa Killeen
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Melissa Killeen

Performance Addiction

As a recovery coach it is hard to surprise me with an addiction of which I am not familiar. Yet, I had never heard of Performance Addiction. Well as Gandhi said “it is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”

I was introduced to the concept by Dr Arthur Ciaramicoli, professor at the Harvard Medical School in Cambridge Massachusetts and author of Performance Addiction: The Dangerous New Syndrome and How to Stop it from Ruining Your Life. His book describes in depth  the compulsive ride the over achiever, or the type “A” personality experiences. It is the rollercoaster many of my clients are riding.

Dr Ciaramicoli explains, in a big way, how perfectionism comes into play in performance addiction. Psychologist Robert Stanley and his graduate assistant, Doug Johnson, developed an Almost Perfect Scale to measure the components of perfectionism. Stanley reports that setting standards for perfect performance is desired, reasonable, and after all, is basic to the pursuit of happiness and the American dream. However, Stanley’s work suggests it is our perception of perfectionism that can run amok. The elusive desire to appropriately pursue high standards is adaptive, meaning it is considered healthy perfectionism and is present in many of us. What performance addiction is all about is the pursuit of high standards in order to hide our imperfections or inferiority, which is considered maladaptive perfectionism, or a rather unhealthy pursuit. With performance addiction, when you don’t reach your goal, what happens? You believe you are inferior and that belief turns into a whole bunch of disapproving thoughts, depression, negative self-esteem and unhappiness.

Return to the scene of the crime.

Dr Ciaramicoli invites his readers to return to the “scene of the crime” or where was this performance seed was planted? Where does this belief that if you try harder you will be rewarded by love and happiness begin? The seed is usually found in our families, experiences in our youth, and our schooling.

How many of us grew up in a household where our performance was compared to our worthiness? Did your parents elevate you by bragging to neighbors or by giving you money if you got all A’s on your report card? Did they negate you if you did not make a goal at the soccer game, or get nominated to the honor society? Were they hypercritical of every move you made? The seeds of maladaptive perfectionism were often sown in the home. Some of us marry into it. When two people who grew up in highly perfectionistic households marry, the two play out their maladaptive perfectionism to such a high degree that the level of evaluation and pinnacles of judgment can cause nose bleeds. Yes, things get done, professions may flourish but there is little intimacy, enjoyment or meaningful spontaneity in their lives.

If I do this, then will I finally be happy?

Growing up and doing better than your parents was basically a depression era mind set. Yet today, three out of four kids go to college “to make more money.” A study by UCLA and the American Council on Education completed in 1998 listed the objectives desired after graduating: 74 percent of the students ranked “being very well off” higher than developing a meaningful philosophy on life, helping others or raising a family. The seeds of performance addiction have been sown. After all, isn’t making more money the perfect goal?

Ed Deiner, positive psychologist from the University of Illinois surveyed 100 people from Forbes list of Richest Americans. He found that the happiness quotient was only slightly higher for the richy-rich than the average Joe. But the elusive thought of “maybe if I do it better, work at it harder, I will be rewarded financially and then, I will finally be happy” is firmly planted in everyone’s brain. Especially in the performance addict’s head.

Performance addiction is not just evident in the workplace, it effects love interests as well. In the book General Theory of Love, three psychiatrists have answered the age-old question of “How do I pick a partner?” Thomas Lewis, MD, Fari Amini, MD, and Richard Lannon, MD, explain that emotional attachments are deeply rooted in our early life experiences. Emotional attachments cannot be directed or rationalized. However, these doctors have seen there is a link between the emotional attachments that were vital to our childhood survival and the same attachments that influence our selection of a mate when we are adults. They use the example of a child being dependent on his mother. Whether or not the mother is beautiful, smart or an ax murderer, the child grows to love the emotional patterns he has linked to his mother. So when he is an adult and meets a potential mate who has the same characteristics as his mother, BAMM! He is entranced, feels he belongs with this person, and falls in love.

None of us falls in love with another person. We fall in love with an image.

Ciaramicoli goes into great depth about “Image Love.” The image of “what or who” we think that person we have fallen in love with is. But the reality is; they are not who we think they are. We idealize these lovers into an image of our mother, father, rich woman, smart man, independent woman, athletic man, whatever our mind makes up will be the perfect person for us. We create an image in our brains that this is our true love. But it is really based on our past. Performance addicts are especially prone to this. They have goals in mind for their partner, images that their partners must fit into. Such as their parents must love this person (sometimes this is more important, than the performance addict actually loving this person), this person has to have a certain body type, have a high sexual performance rating or believe in a certain religion. In essence the performance addict is creating a love image of their mate, before he/she even walks in the door on their first date.

Performance addiction is constantly evaluating and the addict’s emotional capital is based on the outcome of that judgment. It gets even more complicated when sex gets into the picture, but that is another blog post, entirely. Again, our shrinks from the book General Theory of Love classify being in love as different from loving. The first distinction between these two is time. Taking the time to get to know the other person. Going through that incredible Dopamine-filled period of infatuation and truly getting to know the other person. Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon, say that being in love requires a brief acquaintance, a spark, some chemistry, a few dates or maybe a roll in the hay. However, loving requires time, intimacy, and a prolonged surveillance of another person’s soul. Of course as a performance addict it is hard to move from in love to loving, because one has to move from a relationship that is sexually exciting, passionate, alive with attraction, tons of verbal acceptance and compliments to, well, let’s call it boring, normal relationship stuff, truly mediocre life experiences. Such as waking up late, running out the door eating cornflakes, passing gas under the covers or deciding who is going to vacuum the living room.

I can’t even use the word mediocre, it’s terrifying.

A performance addict hates the thought of being average in anything they do. Their mood goes up and down depending on how their performance is rated by others. They are labeling others based on their projected imperfections. Being better than is preferred to being less than, white collar over blue collar, college educated over a high school education, exceptional over mediocre. Whether it is in the workplace, the bedroom or at home, performance addiction is tremendously damaging to relationships. As Dr. Ciaramicoli stated, the scene of the crime started with the family. How do you think the performance addict learned their behaviors? Most likely from another performance addict.

The parent trap.

Besides teaching a performance addict-in-training how to be better than the Jones’ next door, how many times is the child used by the parent-performance-addict first? How does a parent-performance-addict use their children to bolster their self-worth? Does the TV show Dance Moms ring a bell? Have you heard a father brag about his son making the varsity team? Or a mom criticizing her daughter for dying her hair purple? How about a parent who yells and screams at their kids at a little league game? Of course the media has us convinced that every Jewish mother wants her son to grow up to be a doctor. How about in small business? In every family-run business the child is expected to take over the enterprise. What if they don’t want to? It is tough to break this cycle.

All of us need to push away the illusions we have lived with for the majority of our lives. The illusions that money can buy happiness, that true fulfillment comes with business success, we have to take over the business to please Dad or if we are thin, rich or young enough, we can find love.

People who are experiencing these secret compulsions to succeed at any cost are thrown off the merry-go-round every time something changes. Their desire to control, be perfect, too find happiness is their path and they will not accept anything less. Their performance addiction is a defense against feelings of fear and inferiority. These addicts depend wholly on exterior measurements of value, big house, fancy clothes, corner office rather than exposing their vulnerabilities by video taping their daughter with Down Syndrome and putting it on YouTube.

Performance addiction permeates our culture, work, home, church and school. But if we are equipped to treat ourselves as individuals we hold in high regard, if we have deeper respect for ourselves as evidenced by taking care of ourselves, loving our spouses and caring for our family, we can change. Performance addiction can be worked on, healed and then set aside.

Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D., Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been treating clients for more than 35 years. Dr. Ciaramicoli is the SoundMindz Chief Medical Officer, and has been on the faculty of Harvard Medical School for several years. In addition to treating patients, Dr. Ciaramicoli has lectured at Harvard Health Services, Boston College Counseling Center, the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore as well is also a seasoned media expert, appearing on CNN, Fox News, Comcast TV, Good Morning America Weekend, The O’Reilly Report, and other shows. Dr. Ciaramicoli is the author of The Curse of the Capable: The Hidden Challenges to a Balanced, Healthy, High Achieving Life (Wiley, 2010), Performance Addiction: The Dangerous New Syndrome and How to Stop It from Ruining Your Life (Wiley 2004) and The Power of Empathy: A Practical Guide to Creating Intimacy, Self-Understanding, and Lasting Love (Dutton 2000). His newsletter, blog comments and contact information are available at this web site, http://www.BalanceYourSuccess.com. You can follow his daily insights at www.twitter.com/docapc.

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This is your brain on porn….

Posted on January 22, 2015 by Melissa Killeen
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Melissa Killeen

Pornography addiction and the reward pathway

Norman Doidge, author of the Brain that Changes Itself posits that deep inside your brain, there’s something called a “reward pathway.” We all have one, your cat has one, laboratory rats have one —all mammals have them, there is a reward pathway in all of us. The reward pathway’s job is to help keep you alive and happy by doing exactly what its name promises: it rewards you when you do something that promotes your life and well-being, like eating good food or cleaning up your apartment.

The reward pathway releases chemicals in your brain—mainly one that’s called dopamine, but others, as well, like serotonin and oxytocin. For example, when you eat something delicious, your brain releases dopamine, and it makes you feel good. Or if you hold hands with someone you care about, your brain releases a chemical called oxytocin, which helps you bond with people.

A neuron is a brain cell. A neuro chemical, is the chemical a neuron or brain cell releases to send a message to other cells. When a lot of brain cells get activated at the same time by something you see, taste, hear or smell, they release chemicals that help strengthen the connection between themselves and other brain cells (or neurons). Think of these brain cells being cemented together with neuro chemicals to build this reward pathway, in other words a reward superhighway. So, every time you went to visit your Grandma Martha she gave you a big hug, walked out on the porch, sat with you talking about what had changed for you since you last visited, while rocking with you on that big porch swing and she gave you a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup to unwrap. You probably feel pretty great about Grandma Martha. Your brain has built a superhighway connecting thoughts of Grandma Martha with feeling happy, being loved and eating peanut butter cups. You have many of these of brain pathways for all sorts of things: talking to Grandma, riding a bike, eating lunch, walking the dog, and when a person looks at porn, their brain creates a new pathway for that, too.

Viewing porn stimulates the release of these pleasure chemicals. This rush of neuro chemicals happens over and over again, eventually creating a new reward pathway. Ultimately, constant porn use turns the reward pathway into a superhighway directing the viewer’s decision-making brain to want to view pornography for the quick rewards of the dopamine rush, rather than seeking healthy but less stimulating rewards, like eating a piece of chocolate or holding a girl’s hand. This changes the make-up of the viewer’s brain, and eventually results in an ever increasing appetite for porn.

Dopamine is sometimes referred to as the “pleasure chemical.” You may have heard that dopamine controls the “pleasure” systems of the brain, but these are not technically, accurate assumptions. Dopamine is all about wanting, seeking and searching for rewards, the anticipation of getting something.  Dopamine is  the motivation that drives us to pursue potential rewards or long-term goals. Although controversial, research suggests that driving “the want” best captures what dopamine does. The final reward, the feeling of satisfaction, arises from opioids, brain chemicals such as mu opioids and endocannabinoids, which are the brain’s natural versions of heroin and marijuana. As psychologist Susan Weinschenk explained in a 2009 article, dopamine does not cause people to experience pleasure, but drives a seeking behavior. “Dopamine causes us to want, desire, seek out, and search,” she wrote. It is the opioid system that causes one to feel pleasure and satisfaction. Yet, “the dopamine system is stronger than the opioid system,” she explained. We seek more after we are satisfied, we eat when we are not hungry.

Addiction may be thought of as wanting on overdrive. Just like other addictive substances, porn floods the brain with dopamine. The brain gets overwhelmed by the constant overload of neuro chemicals that comes with addictive porn use. It fights back by taking away some of its dopamine receptors, which is like closing the garage door on a neuron cell so that the truck carrying dopamine’s payload can’t come into the loading dock. With fewer receptors (fewer garage doors open), the user can’t feel dopamine’s full effect, even if the brain is producing all that it can. As a result, the pornography viewer isn’t as stimulated as they were before. So they go hunting for more porn, more novelty porn or more hardcore porn with the goal of receiving the same jolt of dopamine they received the day before. As the porn addict’s brain adjusts to these higher levels of dopamine flooding through it, regular activities that would normally set off a burst of dopamine to make the person feel happy, no longer work. Happy moments with their children, watching a football game with friends or a simple walk with their spouse leave the addict wanting a more stimulating jolt. So they return to porn, not more activities with their kids, nor more spousal contact. They go to view more porn because it delivers such a reliable and massive jolt. That’s one reason why pornography can be so addictive.

There is another reason porn is addictive, we get bored with the same old, same old. Researchers tested this theory. They wired up some 45 guys, each one a healthy 25 to 36 years old. Each participant had sensors on their penises that were linked to a computer. Researchers played the same erotic film repeatedly for these dudes. They had to watch porn. The researchers had to watch them watching porn and monitor indications of arousal, yes, in these guys’ man parts. This went on for three days. Torture, right? Well, the reports revealed a progressive decrease in sexual arousal after the 15th viewing of the same tape. The “same old, same old” gets boring. Seeing the same pornographic video, or even having sex with the same partner using the same position, over and over again, reduces dopamine production, and eases the jolt. After 18 viewings of the same erotic video, test subjects were nodding off. So researchers introduced a different, more erotic video for the 19th and 20th viewings. Bingo! The subjects and their penises sprang to attention. And yes, this theory also worked on women, for whom research showed similar effects.

Internet porn is especially enticing to the reward circuitry because a new mate, an unusual scene, a strange sexual act, or—fill in the blank—is just a click away. Something different every click. With multiple windows open and clicking for hours, one can experience more sex partners in ten minutes than our hunter-gatherer ancestors experienced in a lifetime.

Research confirms anticipation of reward and the many varied sexual selections (called novelty by the researchers) can amplify and increase excitement, and begins to rewire the brain—in other words, paves the porn superhighway in the brain. Pornography and erotica have been around forever, yet today’s version of Internet pornography is a completely new animal. Thanks to the power of the Internet, porn now stimulates the most powerful natural dopamine releases through a never ending stimulus cocktail using these elements:

    • Endless novelty, shock, and surprise
    • Strong emotions: surprise, fear, disgust, anxiety
    • Seeking and searching: exploring territories, foods or mating opportunities
    • Anything that violates expectations: unexpected bonanzas or dangers

All of these situations have been scientifically proven to increase dopamine surge. And because Internet porn offers an endless stream of variety, users can flip to a new image every time their high starts to fade, keeping dopamine levels elevated for hours. Virginie Despentes is a French writer, novelist and filmmaker. Her most famous novel, and film of the same name is Baise-moi, a contemporary film with a graphic mix of crime, mystery, violence and very explicit sex scenes. The title translates to: F**k Me. She states:

“Consuming pornography does not lead to more sex, it leads to more porn. Much like eating McDonalds everyday will accustom you to food that (although enjoyable) is essentially not food, pornography conditions the consumer to being satisfied with an impression of extreme sex rather than the real.”

Next week’s post will continue with the consequences of prolonged pornography use.

Resources used in this article:

Doidge, Norman M.D., (2007), The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, James H. Silberman Books, Penguin Books, New York, NY

Inna Schneiderman, Orna Zagoory-Sharon, James F. Leckman, Ruth Feldman (2014) Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity, Pyschoneuroendocrinology, Aug, 20913 37(8) 1277-1285. Accessed from the National Institute of Health National Library of Medicine at: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3936960/

Hilton DL, Watts C. Pornography addiction: A neuroscience perspective. Surgical Neurology Institute [serial online] 2011 [cited 2015 Jan 9]; 2:19 http://www.surgicalneurologyint.com/text.asp?2011/2/1/19/76977

Hilton DL , (2013) Pornography addiction – a supra-normal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity, Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, Vol 3 (2013) incl Supplements. Accessed at: Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology 2013, 3: 20767 – http://dx.doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767

John D. Salamone, Mercè Correa The Mysterious Motivational Functions of Mesolimbic Dopamine (2012), Neuron – 8 November 2012 (Vol. 76, Issue 3, pp. 470-485)Accessed at: http://yourbrainonporn.com/mysterious-motivational-functions-mesolimbic-dopamine-2012

Your Brain on Porn.com web site, the video of Dr Robert Sapolsky describing anticipation and dopamine. Accessed at: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/dopamine-more-about-anticipation-dr-robert-sapolsky

Your Brain on Porn.com web site featured: Is the Pleasure Molecule Dopamine? (2008), Accessed at: http://yourbrainonporn.com/is-the-pleasure-molecule-dopamine-2011

Susan Weinschenk, PhD. (2009)100 Things You Should Know About People: #8 Dopamine Makes You Addicted To Seeking Information, Team W Blog Accessed at: http://www.blog.theteamw.com/2009/11/07/100-things-you-should-know-about-people-8-dopamine-makes-us-addicted-to-seeking-information/

Kent C. Berridge and Terry E. Robinson, What is the role of dopamine in reward: hedonic impact, reward learning, or incentive salience?: Brain Research Reviews, 28, 1998. 309–369.

Terry E. Robinson and Kent C. Berridge (2008.) The review of the incentive sensitization theory of addiction: some current issues. Philosophical Translations of the Royal Society. B (2008) 363, 3137–3146 doi:10.1098/rstb.2008.0093. Published online 18 July 2008, Downloaded from http://rstb.royalsocietypublishing.org/ on January 9, 2015

Ingrid Meuwissen, Ray Oliver, Habituation and Dishabituation of Female Sexual Around (19 90) Behavior, Research and Theory, Vol 28, No 3, p 217-226 Access at: http://www.mendeley.com/catalog/habituation-dishabituation-female-sexual-arousal/#page-1

Gary Wilson, (2010) Intoxicating Behaviors: 300 Vaginas = A Lot of Dopamine, Your Brain on Porn.com web site featured: http://yourbrainonporn.com/intoxicating-behaviors-300-vaginas-a-lot-of-dopamine

Your Brain on Porn.com web site featured: Novelty increases the mesolimbic functional connectivity of the substantia nigra/ventral tegmental area (SN/VTA) during reward anticipation: Evidence from high-resolution fMRI (2011). Accessed at: http://yourbrainonporn.com/novelty-increases-mesolimbic-functional-connectivity-substantia-nigraventral-tegmental-area-snvta

http://www.Wikipedia.com http://www.yourbrainonporn.com http://compulsionsolutions.com http://fightthenewdrug.org/

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Who uses pornography?

Posted on January 16, 2015 by Melissa Killeen
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Melissa Killeen

A small snapshot of who uses sexually explicit material

It is important to understand who uses pornography as a complete picture before jumping to a conclusion that every person that views porn is a dirty, old man. The use of sexually-explicit materials differs greatly from men and women. Here is a small snapshot of who uses sexually-explicit materials (the scientific name for pornography).

A study of 433, 12-22 years olds in the U.S. found that 85 percent of the males and 50 percent of the females in the study reported having, either intentionally or accidentally, visited a sexually-explicit website. Within a sample of 506 U.S. college students, 59 percent of men and 34 percent of the women reported accessing pornography online for sexual entertainment purposes. Reported rates of intentionally using sexually-explicit material, including the viewing of multiple types of material such as online content, films shown in movie theaters, viewing DVDs and/or the reading of printed material, was researched with 813 U.S. college students. 87 percent of these participants were college-age men who viewed pornography, 50 percent of this group viewed porn weekly and 20 percent of them viewed it daily or every other day. 31 percent of the group were college-age women and they viewed pornography, as well.

A 2001 Forrester Research report claimed the average age of a male visitor to an adult web page was 41, with an annual income of $60,000. According to the same report, 19 percent of the visitors to adult-content sites, were both regular and repeat customers. Of that 19 percent group of repeat viewers, 25 percent were women, 46 percent of the group were married, and 33 percent had children.

Dutch research has documented that men and women use sexually-explicit material differently. This research reveals men consume more pornography than women.  Dutch males were exposed to porn at a younger age (13) than Dutch women (15), and this may be a reason for the male’s increased use. Men use porn most often in a room, in isolation, whereas women have indicated a preference for viewing it online with a romantic partner or engaging in interactive sexual activity. Furthermore, men are more likely to experience sexual arousal and masturbate while viewing porn, than women.

According to data taken from Internet users who took part in the General Social Survey for the year 2000, the following are predictors of online pornography use:

    • Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females.
    • Those who are happily married are 61% less likely to look at porn.
    • Those who are politically more liberal are 19% more likely to look at porn.
    • Those who had committed adultery are 218% more likely to look at porn.
    • Those who had engaged in paid sex are 270% more likely to look at porn.
    • Those with teen children are 45% less likely to look at porn.

How people access pornographic sites is changing as well, moving from the desktop to handheld devices. After an analysis of more than one million hits to Google’s mobile search sites, more than 1 in 5 searches were for pornography on cell phones and tablets. By 2015, pornographic content and services accessed on mobile devices is expected to reach $2.8 billion. Mobile adult subscriptions are now reaching nearly $1 billion, and the number of adult videos viewed on mobile devices or tablets will triple worldwide. The largest surge is in the adult market are the mobile phone applications that use GPS to find people with similar sexual interests within a certain geographic area. Bender, Grindr or Adam4Adam are such applications. Although not pornography as such, these applications are considered adult features, because the app requires subscribers to be 18 or older.

The next post in our series on porn addiction will look at the effect of pornography on the brain.

References used in creating this blog:

General Social Survey, a survey running since 1972 at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, and is part of The National Data Program for the Sciences. Accessed at: http://www3.norc.org/GSS+Website/

Gert Martin Hald, (2006) Gender Differences in Pornography Consumption among Young Heterosexual Danish Adults, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36:577-585, DOI 10.1007/s10508-006-9064-0. Accessed at: http://www.hawaii.edu/hivandaids/Gender_Differences_in_Pornography_
Consumption_among_Young_Heterosexual_Danish_Adults.pdf

CovenantEyes.com, a web site for Covenant Eyes, a pioneer of Internet accountability and filtering software, located in Owosso, MI .http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/02/19/pornography-statistics/

Elizabeth M. Morgan (2011) Associations between Young Adults’ Use of Sexually Explicit Materials and Their Sexual Preferences, Behaviors, and Satisfaction

Boise State University, Scholarworks, Psychology Faculty Publications and Presentations, Accessed at: http://scholarworks.boisestate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1044&context=psych_facpubs

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