Category Archives: Recovery Coaching

Experience, Strength & Hope Awards Honor Pat O’Brien

“The sober celebrities taking part in the 2017 Experience, Strength & Hope Awards truly show what can be achieved through the miracle of recovery.”

The 2017 Experience, Strength & Hope Award honored author and TV personality Pat O’Brien for his personal account of recovery in his book, I’ll Be Back Right After This: My Memoir. In an article written by John Lavitt, published in www.thefix.com on March 1st, 2017 Lavitt documents The Experience, Strength & Hope Awards as a premiere event in Los Angeles, given in recognition of an individual’s honest account of their journey through addiction to recovery.

This year’s event was held at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles, on February 23, 2017. It is the 8th annual installment of the ESH awards orchestrated by Leonard Buschel , a recovery advocate, founder of Writers in Treatment and originator of the Reel Recovery Film Festival to celebrate the redemptive power of recovery. In addition to founding Writers in Treatment, Buschel is also the publisher of a popular weekly industry newsletter, the Addiction/Recovery eBulletin.

When asked his motivation behind these endeavors, Buschel said, “My goal is that any newcomer that comes to these events commits to sobriety because they see a creative and energetic message. The sober celebrities taking part truly show what can be achieved through the miracle of recovery.” The sober celebrities at this year’s event included actor Bruce Davison, musician Joe Walsh, singer Sherri Lewis, comedian Sarge, and the acting couple Ed Begley Jr. and Rachelle Carson-Begley.

Bruce Davison hoped his participation would help demonstrate the freedom that recovery affords an artist: “The big dilemma is that so many artists think they need their suffering or their drug of choice to function. But I’ve found the opposite to be true, particularly in relation to my creative work. This is why this message needs to be expressed. The part of the program that’s important is the part that is shared. The experience, strength and hope of one of us is the experience, strength and hope of all of us.”

Throughout the early reception and into the later awards show, the message expressed was the importance of paving a path for newcomers. Each of the celebrities present emphasized the role of humility in 12-step programs. By leaving behind the instituted arrogance of the bright lights and truly becoming humble, a person has the opportunity to be of service to those in need. Honoree Pat O’Brien highlighted how the people that came before him saved his life when the “shit” hit the proverbial fan. As a result, it was now his job to reach out to others and help them.

When asked what winning the ESH award meant to him, Pat O’Brien told The Fix, “It means that I’ve done the work in recovery up to now. Such work begins anew every day when I commit myself to staying sober and to being of service to others. In the beginning, I was afraid of recovery. Right now, many people out there remain stuck in their misery because they are afraid of living a sober life. They don’t want to lose the alcohol or the drugs. The high has become their best friend, even when it stops working. I discovered that when you finally surrender and embrace recovery, it turns out that it brings forth a life much better than you ever imagined.”

Given his extensive experience as a broadcaster and television personality, it was intriguing that the celebrity chosen to present Pat O’Brien with the ESH award was legendary Eagles guitar player Joe Walsh. After all, what do broadcasters and rock stars have in common? It turns out, a fondness for alcohol and cocaine back in the day. In the lyrics to his 1978 solo hit, “Life’s Been Good,” he sang of the decadence of those years. “I go to parties, sometimes until four/ It’s hard to leave when you can’t find the door.” Defying the odds, Joe Walsh embraced the path of sobriety, becoming close friends with Pat O’Brien in the 12-step rooms.

In his funny and moving introduction to the honoree, Joe Walsh started by saying to the gathering of industry professionals and young people in early recovery, “I will be signing court cards after the awards show.” He went on to commend the example set by Pat O’Brien, saying, “A wonderful friend in sobriety and a great example of how someone can help others when they get sober. I don’t really care about all the rules in regards to anonymity. Everyone knows what I did. As celebrities, the best thing we can do when we get sober is talk about it.”

In response to this powerful declaration, Joe Walsh received a rousing cheer from the audience. Later, when speaking in private with The Fix about what was going to be written, Walsh highlighted his main point, “Creativity and recovery are great subjects to write about. Showing the connection between the two will help a lot of people out there. Getting sober and staying sober was really tough for me in the beginning. What I learned by walking through the hard times, however, is that what happens next is a bit surprising because it is so amazing.”

After giving Joe Walsh a big hug, Pat O’Brien happily accepted the 2017 Experience, Strength & Hope Award. On the podium, he spoke about overcoming the dark times, saying, “My friend Michael J. Fox and my lawyers both told me the same thing. They told me to just fuck it and breathe. I know that sounds a bit dirty and out of context. However, right now and moving forward, one day at a time, I simply want to do my best to help extinguish the stigma surrounding alcoholism and addiction. This is a brain disease, and it’s astounding how few people know and accept that fact in this country. It is our job to help change minds and open doors.”

After Pat O’Brien received his award, Leonard Buschel took the stage to speak about the mission of Writers in Treatment and the Reel Recovery Film Festival. With festivals now in seven cities across the country every year, Buschel wants the film festival to eventually have 20 annual events nationwide. Explaining this motivation to grow and expand, Buschel said, “I want people in early recovery across the country to see the true potential of what can be accomplished. What would happen if when people checked into rehab, they were told, ‘If you stay, we promise that you will become a miracle.’ Okay, it might be a bit too biblical for day one, but you all know what I mean. What if we could share our hopes and our dreams? That is what keeps me motivated and that’s what keeps me moving forward.”

Such a message resonated deeply with the audience and well beyond. For example, as the founder and CEO of the teen rehab Newport Academy, Jamison Monroe has been a supporter of Leonard Buschel’s efforts, including the Addiction/Recovery eBulletin, over the years. Describing the reasons behind his ongoing support, Monroe said, “In our teen rehab programs and in our sober high schools, the young people are facing a challenging time in their lives. Can they have fun and be successful moving forward while maintaining their sobriety? What’s so great about the Experience, Strength & Hope Awards and the Reel Recovery Film Festival is that they provide concrete proof that recovery can lead to dreams coming true. Rather than life ending when you get sober, it can be a time of true creativity. This is a powerful lesson for young people everywhere to learn.”

Indeed, the lesson taught by the Experience, Strength & Hope Award show year in and year out is the redemptive power of recovery. No matter how far addicts or alcoholics fall, through the miracle of recovery, they can realize their potential and experience a deep and lasting sense of meaning in their lives. Of course, amends need to be made and wreckage needs to be cleared, but sobriety is more than just about cleaning up the mess left behind. Getting sober offers the creative promise of a bright, productive and inspired future that opens doors and deserves recognition. For providing such acknowledgement, the ESH Award has become a valuable facet of the jewel that is recovery. Such an annual celebration of honest accounts of the path to sobriety reminds both the newcomer and the old-timer of how their inner strength can overcome past bad experiences and lead to true hope today and onward.

This article was written by John Lavitt

and re-posted with permission from http://www.thefix.com

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Books that Shaped America

The Interior of the Library of Congress

This week’s post is a guest post by Steve Devlin, a recovery coach from Philadelphia PA.

Recently,  I was in Washington, D.C. for two days. It was a gorgeous day with temperatures almost getting to 60 degrees and the sun shining brightly. A perfect day to walk and see the sights. I have been blessed to visit Washington many times so finding new museums or monuments to visit is not easy. I have walked along the National Mall and visited every sight from the Lincoln Memorial to the U.S. Capital. I have walked around Arlington National Cemetery and The White House. I was determined to go someplace new on this visit.

Out of all the places I have wandered I have never been to either the U.S. Supreme Court of the Library of Congress. So, off I went on my adventure on a lovely day in mid-December. My initial interest in going to the Library of Congress was to see an exhibit of the actual 6,487 books which Thomas Jefferson donated in 1815 to replace the original library which was destroyed in the War of 1812. It was very cool to his collection, but cooler still was an exhibit called Books That Shaped America. In 2012 the Library of Congress started a project that first identified 88 books by American authors. Then they opened it up to voting. The top 25 vote getters were designated as the books which had a profound impact on American life.

As you might expect these 25 books looked like the books you would read in high school or college. For me the real surprise was #10 on the list. Sitting right between two Nobel Prize winning authors was the A.A. Big Book. This 1939 first edition was described as “the famous 12-step program for stopping addiction has sold more than 30 million copies. Millions of men and women worldwide have turned to the program co-founded by Bill W and Dr. Bob to recover from alcoholism. The ‘Big Book’ as it is known spawned similar programs for other forms of addiction.”

My first reaction to seeing The Big Book was complete surprise. I almost yelled “That’s my book.” While other books on display broadened my education, and added pieces to my life, no other book as changed my life so profoundly. It was the source of hope when I was hopeless and provided a guide out of the darkness of my addiction. I should use the present tense here. This book is a part of my daily life. When I feel confused about choices, I remember my 4th step. When I wonder if I need to apologize for a harmful word or act, I know how to make amends. And when I wonder about the purpose of my life, I remember the 12th step.

A great novel is good to read, but in the end, it goes back on the shelf to collect dust. The Big Book is my guide to life. It is part of me and it is no wonder that I feel it is “my” book. The voices in it could be my own, because it was written by two people experiencing the horrors of addiction and the miracles of recovery, one day at a time, one step at a time, and one page at a time. It is my favorite book because it continues to shape my life.

May I ask you- How has The Big Book shaped your life?

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10 Signs You’re a Sex Addict

By Brian Whitney

Reposted from an article published by www.thefix.com in 02/10/15

Is sex starting to become a real problem for you?

Take a look at our list for some warning signs you might want to look out for.

So, you like to have sex. Good for you. Sex is the best. But lately there have been some problems in your life because of your sexual habits. Maybe you really love your wife, but she dumped you after catching you having sex with the babysitter. Perhaps, you were doing great at your job, but you got fired after getting caught in your office beating off to porn. Maybe you’re starting to wonder if you have some sort of a problem. Or maybe, like me, you knew you had a problem all along, and thought the most important thing was to not let anyone ever find out.

It took me a long time to admit I was a sex addict. It isn’t an easy thing to do. I could deal with being a playboy, a hedonist, maybe even a freak, but a sex addict? Not me. It took about 20 years, two divorces, the loss of jobs and homes before I admitted it.

When I was in the process of getting my second divorce, I was seeing a therapist. He was cool enough. He was funny. We got each other on a certain level, which sometimes is all you can ask for when you pay someone to talk to you about your problems.

I got along with him well enough that I decided to do something new: I was going to be honest. This time I wasn’t going to pay someone to sit there and listen to me lie.

I told him about how I was having affairs, how I couldn’t stop. How everything I did was designed to either get me laid or indulge my kinks, and my kinks were getting more extreme by the day. No matter what went on in my life, no matter how fucked up it got, no matter what I lost it didn’t matter; I couldn’t, or maybe wouldn’t, stop. The most important thing to me in the world, by far, was sex and all the adrenaline and anxiety that came with it.

I told him what had been going on. First, I lost my job because I was having affairs with so many people at work. Then, my wife tossed me out of the house because I was screwing around with so many people at places outside of work. I wound up living with a woman that I couldn’t stand, but that would do anything I wanted sexually, no matter how deviant my demands were—I was cheating on her, too.

When I got done relating what my wreck of a life was all about, he looked at me and said, “Well the thing is, most guys would want to do what you do. I mean, what guy wouldn’t?” My misery was this guy’s fantasy—it wasn’t the first time.

That is the thing about sex. If you’re getting a lot of it, you don’t have a problem, right?  I mean seriously, you’re getting laid all the time and complaining about it?

So many people get all worked up about the sex addict thing. “How can anyone be addicted to sex?” Don’t get hooked on semantics. Who cares what you call your problem? I don’t. Call it sexual compulsion if it makes you feel better. By acting out with sex, you are dosing your brain with dopamine and other chemicals that excite, distract, and otherwise cover up the underlying distress or emptiness that is making you suffer.

Below is a list of 10 signs that could mean you are a sex addict. I did all 10 of the things on this list in all of my relationships. I was often accused by women of being a selfish, lying asshole, or a total freak, and I was both of those things, but no one ever asked me if I might actually have a problem.

I write this list as a heterosexual man, though, this can also apply to women and LGBT individuals.

If you have none of the things on the list, good job. Go screw with impunity. If you have between one and three of these, check yourself and figure out what is going on, if you have more than three, you need to find someone to talk to, and you should probably do it soon.

1. You live a double life

This one is tricky. Maybe you just cheat all the time, and lie about where you are, and how you spend your money. That, in itself, doesn’t make you an addict. But, if you have sexual secrets that you refuse to share with anyone, or if somehow you figure out ways to spend Christmas with two different women (done it) then something is way, way off. Sex and your sexual proclivities are private, but if your whole life is going to go down the tubes if people know what you are REALLY up to, and you have to lie to everyone constantly just to stay afloat, then you have at least the beginnings of a problem.

2. You exploit others for sex

You’re probably a good guy. You are kind to kids and animals, you cried when you watched The Lion King. When your girlfriend talks about her feelings you listen—I mean you really do.

But when it comes to sex, you could care less about people. They are just objects to use to get off, or toys to play with. You don’t care what happens to them when you are done with them, and you will do anything to get them to do what you want.

3. Your life is constantly in crisis

Because sex is your number one priority, everything else is always totally messed up. When you are at work, you spend the majority of your time trying to get your boss to fuck you, once you succeed, you try to get that cute temp to meet you out for drinks. Once you start banging her, you try for the woman in the cubicle across from yours.

If you manage to stay employed, you are constantly broke, and you get two credit cards your wife doesn’t know about so you can keep up the appearances you need to with your girlfriends.

Everything from school, to work, to money, is secondary to feeding your addiction.

4. You’re preoccupied with sex

I don’t mean this in a “Wow, look at that chick’s ass!” kind of way. I mean, you can’t concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes without going back into your place of fantasy. Or if you aren’t fantasizing, you are planning your next move. And if you aren’t planning your next move, you are having sex. Which then makes you feel ashamed, so to combat that you go right back into fantasy.

5. You have sex without regard to potential consequences

You’re out of control. Your wife is upstairs and you are banging her best friend on the couch. It isn’t enough to have sex with a co-worker; you have to do it on your boss’s desk. You just spent your mortgage payment at the strip club, or you just gave your credit card number to your dominatrix.

If you are doing things that are going to screw you over in the future, and you KNOW they are going to screw you over in the future, then your sex life has crossed the line and is now officially a problem.

6. Your kink needs to be fed more and more

Some people are into some odd stuff, some aren’t. There is a myriad of different things that people do to get off with, and whether or not you like to be tied up, or walk your girlfriend on a leash isn’t the issue. What is the issue, is if the kink you have becomes your whole scene, and you need to go deeper and deeper into the world to get off? What can start off as fun, can wind up as something deeply destructive down the road.

7. You masturbate all the time

And I do mean all the time. You do it in the morning, you do it on your lunch break, and you do it before you go to sleep. I would sometimes even masturbate right after sex—with my partner passed out next to me. It’s just a sign that there are some issues, not a judgment. Do what you do. But if you have some of these other signs and you are beating off 20 to 30 times a week, then you’re a sex addict.

8. Your relationships are always messed up

The key word here is “always.” I always knew my relationships would end because I did something insane related to sex. It was just a matter of time before I would do something totally off the charts, get caught at it, and have to move on. It wasn’t like I learned a lesson. It was a lifestyle. This isn’t “Oh, I got caught cheating and my girlfriend dumped me.” It is that you are always cheating; you know you’re going to get caught, and you can’t stop.

9. You feel powerless

You can’t stop acting out. You try to stop, but you lose everything. Little by little, you lose everything. You keep on going until it’s all gone, until you are lying in a corner in the fetal position, until you feel like dying. Try not to get here. Go talk to someone you trust.

10. You hate yourself

Who knows, you could always be a sociopath. But, if you aren’t, and you are going through life hurting other people and destroying yourself, you are going to start disliking yourself quite a bit. I know I did. And the worst part—I was so sure, so entirely sure, that if I told anyone who I was, and the things that I did, they would hate me, too.

If after reading this you think you might be a sex addict, talk to someone you trust. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a professional. It isn’t easy to get help, unless you live in an urban area, you aren’t going to find someone that has any sort of specialization in it. But that isn’t a reason, or an excuse, to keep acting this way.

Brian Whitney is an author, a ghostwriter, and a frequent contributor to theFix.com. His book Raping the Gods is available in the Spring of 2015.

https://www.facebook.com/snakeoil1/

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