Category Archives: Pornography

I’m a guy, can I be a love addict?

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Melissa Killeen

“Seeing her in the afternoon was like being in heaven,
it took away all of my worries”“This is the only woman who has ever understood me.”

“She is the woman I have dreamed of being with my whole life.”

“She will fix me.”

You are a guy—can you be a love addict? There are many men who have thought these thoughts. There are many men who are dedicated to their wives, yet, seek love in the arms of other women. There are other men who do, do, do for their wives and their families without ever considering their own needs. It is very hard for a man to admit he is a love addict. But there are many men in the 12-step rooms of Love Addicts Anonymous or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous that recognize they have a behavioral addiction: love addiction.

People fall into love addiction because the behavior is transformative. In this case, feelings of love, romance and fantasy are a “fix” or a sedative for the negative feelings of anxiety, despair, self-doubt, rage, fear of abandonment, etc. The problem is that the fix doesn’t last. Just like any sedative, it wears off.

All healthy relationships transverse from euphoria to loving. Along that trail you receive the knowledge that your partner is a separate person with faults as well as gifts. You don’t feel rebuffed by your lover, for being you. You know she loves you, warts and all. Or does she? Love addiction is built on relationships that form heightened feelings of anxiety instead of feelings of safety and nurturing. Have you ever felt your relationship has moved from feelings of euphoria to feelings of doubt, depression or anxiety in a nanosecond? A love addict will often think “I love you, but, please stop hurting me.” I say think, because very often these thoughts are stuffed down and never verbalized after the first or second comments were met with a disdainful response. The love addict will deny reality, search for a flicker of the early magic, and tolerate anything in order to obtain a sense of security from their partner. But that sense of security rarely is obtained.

The love addict’s dependency on another person is characterized as maintaining the connection, approval or fantasized attachment to the other person. Occasionally, the term fantasy addict is heard in the “S” rooms. How often has a love addict, hurt and emotionally abused by their wife or girlfriend, retreated into the computer fantasy world of porn to seek what they are really looking for in their relationship? The love addict can live in the non-reality or fantasy that their lives are working, because they have the outward trappings of success (the house, clothes, cars, kids doing well). The denial of reality for the love addict is based on their fear of being abandoned, so the love addict makes up in his head that his miserable, love-less life is a small sacrifice as compared to him being alone.

Accepting crumbs

One of the greatest losses a male love addict experiences is his loss of self. The constant acting out in an unhealthy relationship results in an increasingly devalued view of self by the love addict, and an increasing idealized version of his love interest. There is an increased need to depend on the wife, partner, boss or friend as the stakes get higher. It is, at times, as if reality has become obscured. A businessman complains:

“I think she is trying to trick me to slip up, so she can leave me.”

“I will lie to avoid conflict.”

“I can last a year on just one compliment.”

The ability to trust is absent in addictive relationships. The pattern of these relationships involves more and more dependence, less and less fulfillment and many negative consequences that can border on abuse. The cost of being a love addict can affect any part of a man’s life, all of his relationships, family as well as in his career.

If a love addict actually loses his “fix,” he suffers not only psychological devastation; but a physical feeling of withdrawal which could include sleeplessness, eating difficulties, disorientation, sweating, cramps, anxiety, and nausea.

Can I recover?

It is often from these intense feelings of withdrawal that recovery begins. It begins with the end of denial and the recognition that these feelings could be an addiction. Withdrawal involves the wish to change, even when that wish comes from loss and pain. Recovery is not about finding another person or reclaiming your former lover, but about reclaiming yourself. Recovery from love addiction most often necessitates seeking professional help to regulate your feelings, grow your acceptance of self, improve your self-esteem, heal your past wounds, to look at your dependency issues and to forgive yourself.

You might want to consider attending a 12-step mutual support group such as:

http://www.loveaddicts.org/

http://www.slaafws.org

http://coda.org/

http://www.adultchildren.org/

To find a professional with counseling experience in love addiction go to The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) web site. SASH is a nonprofit organization dedicated to scholarship and training of professionals certified in sex and love addiction treatment.

http://www.iitap.com/certification/addiction-professionals

 

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This is your brain on porn….

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Melissa Killeen

Pornography addiction and the reward pathway

Norman Doidge, author of the Brain that Changes Itself posits that deep inside your brain, there’s something called a “reward pathway.” We all have one, your cat has one, laboratory rats have one —all mammals have them, there is a reward pathway in all of us. The reward pathway’s job is to help keep you alive and happy by doing exactly what its name promises: it rewards you when you do something that promotes your life and well-being, like eating good food or cleaning up your apartment.

The reward pathway releases chemicals in your brain—mainly one that’s called dopamine, but others, as well, like serotonin and oxytocin. For example, when you eat something delicious, your brain releases dopamine, and it makes you feel good. Or if you hold hands with someone you care about, your brain releases a chemical called oxytocin, which helps you bond with people.

A neuron is a brain cell. A neuro chemical, is the chemical a neuron or brain cell releases to send a message to other cells. When a lot of brain cells get activated at the same time by something you see, taste, hear or smell, they release chemicals that help strengthen the connection between themselves and other brain cells (or neurons). Think of these brain cells being cemented together with neuro chemicals to build this reward pathway, in other words a reward superhighway. So, every time you went to visit your Grandma Martha she gave you a big hug, walked out on the porch, sat with you talking about what had changed for you since you last visited, while rocking with you on that big porch swing and she gave you a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup to unwrap. You probably feel pretty great about Grandma Martha. Your brain has built a superhighway connecting thoughts of Grandma Martha with feeling happy, being loved and eating peanut butter cups. You have many of these of brain pathways for all sorts of things: talking to Grandma, riding a bike, eating lunch, walking the dog, and when a person looks at porn, their brain creates a new pathway for that, too.

Viewing porn stimulates the release of these pleasure chemicals. This rush of neuro chemicals happens over and over again, eventually creating a new reward pathway. Ultimately, constant porn use turns the reward pathway into a superhighway directing the viewer’s decision-making brain to want to view pornography for the quick rewards of the dopamine rush, rather than seeking healthy but less stimulating rewards, like eating a piece of chocolate or holding a girl’s hand. This changes the make-up of the viewer’s brain, and eventually results in an ever increasing appetite for porn.

Dopamine is sometimes referred to as the “pleasure chemical.” You may have heard that dopamine controls the “pleasure” systems of the brain, but these are not technically, accurate assumptions. Dopamine is all about wanting, seeking and searching for rewards, the anticipation of getting something.  Dopamine is  the motivation that drives us to pursue potential rewards or long-term goals. Although controversial, research suggests that driving “the want” best captures what dopamine does. The final reward, the feeling of satisfaction, arises from opioids, brain chemicals such as mu opioids and endocannabinoids, which are the brain’s natural versions of heroin and marijuana. As psychologist Susan Weinschenk explained in a 2009 article, dopamine does not cause people to experience pleasure, but drives a seeking behavior. “Dopamine causes us to want, desire, seek out, and search,” she wrote. It is the opioid system that causes one to feel pleasure and satisfaction. Yet, “the dopamine system is stronger than the opioid system,” she explained. We seek more after we are satisfied, we eat when we are not hungry.

Addiction may be thought of as wanting on overdrive. Just like other addictive substances, porn floods the brain with dopamine. The brain gets overwhelmed by the constant overload of neuro chemicals that comes with addictive porn use. It fights back by taking away some of its dopamine receptors, which is like closing the garage door on a neuron cell so that the truck carrying dopamine’s payload can’t come into the loading dock. With fewer receptors (fewer garage doors open), the user can’t feel dopamine’s full effect, even if the brain is producing all that it can. As a result, the pornography viewer isn’t as stimulated as they were before. So they go hunting for more porn, more novelty porn or more hardcore porn with the goal of receiving the same jolt of dopamine they received the day before. As the porn addict’s brain adjusts to these higher levels of dopamine flooding through it, regular activities that would normally set off a burst of dopamine to make the person feel happy, no longer work. Happy moments with their children, watching a football game with friends or a simple walk with their spouse leave the addict wanting a more stimulating jolt. So they return to porn, not more activities with their kids, nor more spousal contact. They go to view more porn because it delivers such a reliable and massive jolt. That’s one reason why pornography can be so addictive.

There is another reason porn is addictive, we get bored with the same old, same old. Researchers tested this theory. They wired up some 45 guys, each one a healthy 25 to 36 years old. Each participant had sensors on their penises that were linked to a computer. Researchers played the same erotic film repeatedly for these dudes. They had to watch porn. The researchers had to watch them watching porn and monitor indications of arousal, yes, in these guys’ man parts. This went on for three days. Torture, right? Well, the reports revealed a progressive decrease in sexual arousal after the 15th viewing of the same tape. The “same old, same old” gets boring. Seeing the same pornographic video, or even having sex with the same partner using the same position, over and over again, reduces dopamine production, and eases the jolt. After 18 viewings of the same erotic video, test subjects were nodding off. So researchers introduced a different, more erotic video for the 19th and 20th viewings. Bingo! The subjects and their penises sprang to attention. And yes, this theory also worked on women, for whom research showed similar effects.

Internet porn is especially enticing to the reward circuitry because a new mate, an unusual scene, a strange sexual act, or—fill in the blank—is just a click away. Something different every click. With multiple windows open and clicking for hours, one can experience more sex partners in ten minutes than our hunter-gatherer ancestors experienced in a lifetime.

Research confirms anticipation of reward and the many varied sexual selections (called novelty by the researchers) can amplify and increase excitement, and begins to rewire the brain—in other words, paves the porn superhighway in the brain. Pornography and erotica have been around forever, yet today’s version of Internet pornography is a completely new animal. Thanks to the power of the Internet, porn now stimulates the most powerful natural dopamine releases through a never ending stimulus cocktail using these elements:

    • Endless novelty, shock, and surprise
    • Strong emotions: surprise, fear, disgust, anxiety
    • Seeking and searching: exploring territories, foods or mating opportunities
    • Anything that violates expectations: unexpected bonanzas or dangers

All of these situations have been scientifically proven to increase dopamine surge. And because Internet porn offers an endless stream of variety, users can flip to a new image every time their high starts to fade, keeping dopamine levels elevated for hours. Virginie Despentes is a French writer, novelist and filmmaker. Her most famous novel, and film of the same name is Baise-moi, a contemporary film with a graphic mix of crime, mystery, violence and very explicit sex scenes. The title translates to: F**k Me. She states:

“Consuming pornography does not lead to more sex, it leads to more porn. Much like eating McDonalds everyday will accustom you to food that (although enjoyable) is essentially not food, pornography conditions the consumer to being satisfied with an impression of extreme sex rather than the real.”

Next week’s post will continue with the consequences of prolonged pornography use.


Resources used in this article:

Doidge, Norman M.D., (2007), The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science, James H. Silberman Books, Penguin Books, New York, NY

Inna Schneiderman, Orna Zagoory-Sharon, James F. Leckman, Ruth Feldman (2014) Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity, Pyschoneuroendocrinology, Aug, 20913 37(8) 1277-1285. Accessed from the National Institute of Health National Library of Medicine at: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3936960/

Hilton DL, Watts C. Pornography addiction: A neuroscience perspective. Surgical Neurology Institute [serial online] 2011 [cited 2015 Jan 9]; 2:19 http://www.surgicalneurologyint.com/text.asp?2011/2/1/19/76977

Hilton DL , (2013) Pornography addiction – a supra-normal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity, Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, Vol 3 (2013) incl Supplements. Accessed at: Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology 2013, 3: 20767 – http://dx.doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767

John D. Salamone, Mercè Correa The Mysterious Motivational Functions of Mesolimbic Dopamine (2012), Neuron – 8 November 2012 (Vol. 76, Issue 3, pp. 470-485)Accessed at: http://yourbrainonporn.com/mysterious-motivational-functions-mesolimbic-dopamine-2012

Your Brain on Porn.com web site, the video of Dr Robert Sapolsky describing anticipation and dopamine. Accessed at: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/dopamine-more-about-anticipation-dr-robert-sapolsky

Your Brain on Porn.com web site featured: Is the Pleasure Molecule Dopamine? (2008), Accessed at: http://yourbrainonporn.com/is-the-pleasure-molecule-dopamine-2011

Susan Weinschenk, PhD. (2009)100 Things You Should Know About People: #8 Dopamine Makes You Addicted To Seeking Information, Team W Blog Accessed at: http://www.blog.theteamw.com/2009/11/07/100-things-you-should-know-about-people-8-dopamine-makes-us-addicted-to-seeking-information/

Kent C. Berridge and Terry E. Robinson, What is the role of dopamine in reward: hedonic impact, reward learning, or incentive salience?: Brain Research Reviews, 28, 1998. 309–369.

Terry E. Robinson and Kent C. Berridge (2008.) The review of the incentive sensitization theory of addiction: some current issues. Philosophical Translations of the Royal Society. B (2008) 363, 3137–3146 doi:10.1098/rstb.2008.0093. Published online 18 July 2008, Downloaded from http://rstb.royalsocietypublishing.org/ on January 9, 2015

Ingrid Meuwissen, Ray Oliver, Habituation and Dishabituation of Female Sexual Around (19 90) Behavior, Research and Theory, Vol 28, No 3, p 217-226 Access at: http://www.mendeley.com/catalog/habituation-dishabituation-female-sexual-arousal/#page-1

Gary Wilson, (2010) Intoxicating Behaviors: 300 Vaginas = A Lot of Dopamine, Your Brain on Porn.com web site featured: http://yourbrainonporn.com/intoxicating-behaviors-300-vaginas-a-lot-of-dopamine

Your Brain on Porn.com web site featured: Novelty increases the mesolimbic functional connectivity of the substantia nigra/ventral tegmental area (SN/VTA) during reward anticipation: Evidence from high-resolution fMRI (2011). Accessed at: http://yourbrainonporn.com/novelty-increases-mesolimbic-functional-connectivity-substantia-nigraventral-tegmental-area-snvta

http://www.Wikipedia.com http://www.yourbrainonporn.com http://compulsionsolutions.com http://fightthenewdrug.org/

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Who uses pornography?

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Melissa Killeen

A small snapshot of who uses sexually explicit material

It is important to understand who uses pornography as a complete picture before jumping to a conclusion that every person that views porn is a dirty, old man. The use of sexually-explicit materials differs greatly from men and women. Here is a small snapshot of who uses sexually-explicit materials (the scientific name for pornography).

A study of 433, 12-22 years olds in the U.S. found that 85 percent of the males and 50 percent of the females in the study reported having, either intentionally or accidentally, visited a sexually-explicit website. Within a sample of 506 U.S. college students, 59 percent of men and 34 percent of the women reported accessing pornography online for sexual entertainment purposes. Reported rates of intentionally using sexually-explicit material, including the viewing of multiple types of material such as online content, films shown in movie theaters, viewing DVDs and/or the reading of printed material, was researched with 813 U.S. college students. 87 percent of these participants were college-age men who viewed pornography, 50 percent of this group viewed porn weekly and 20 percent of them viewed it daily or every other day. 31 percent of the group were college-age women and they viewed pornography, as well.

A 2001 Forrester Research report claimed the average age of a male visitor to an adult web page was 41, with an annual income of $60,000. According to the same report, 19 percent of the visitors to adult-content sites, were both regular and repeat customers. Of that 19 percent group of repeat viewers, 25 percent were women, 46 percent of the group were married, and 33 percent had children.

Dutch research has documented that men and women use sexually-explicit material differently. This research reveals men consume more pornography than women.  Dutch males were exposed to porn at a younger age (13) than Dutch women (15), and this may be a reason for the male’s increased use. Men use porn most often in a room, in isolation, whereas women have indicated a preference for viewing it online with a romantic partner or engaging in interactive sexual activity. Furthermore, men are more likely to experience sexual arousal and masturbate while viewing porn, than women.

According to data taken from Internet users who took part in the General Social Survey for the year 2000, the following are predictors of online pornography use:

    • Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females.
    • Those who are happily married are 61% less likely to look at porn.
    • Those who are politically more liberal are 19% more likely to look at porn.
    • Those who had committed adultery are 218% more likely to look at porn.
    • Those who had engaged in paid sex are 270% more likely to look at porn.
    • Those with teen children are 45% less likely to look at porn.

How people access pornographic sites is changing as well, moving from the desktop to handheld devices. After an analysis of more than one million hits to Google’s mobile search sites, more than 1 in 5 searches were for pornography on cell phones and tablets. By 2015, pornographic content and services accessed on mobile devices is expected to reach $2.8 billion. Mobile adult subscriptions are now reaching nearly $1 billion, and the number of adult videos viewed on mobile devices or tablets will triple worldwide. The largest surge is in the adult market are the mobile phone applications that use GPS to find people with similar sexual interests within a certain geographic area. Bender, Grindr or Adam4Adam are such applications. Although not pornography as such, these applications are considered adult features, because the app requires subscribers to be 18 or older.

The next post in our series on porn addiction will look at the effect of pornography on the brain.


References used in creating this blog:

General Social Survey, a survey running since 1972 at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, and is part of The National Data Program for the Sciences. Accessed at: http://www3.norc.org/GSS+Website/

Gert Martin Hald, (2006) Gender Differences in Pornography Consumption among Young Heterosexual Danish Adults, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36:577-585, DOI 10.1007/s10508-006-9064-0. Accessed at: http://www.hawaii.edu/hivandaids/Gender_Differences_in_Pornography_
Consumption_among_Young_Heterosexual_Danish_Adults.pdf

CovenantEyes.com, a web site for Covenant Eyes, a pioneer of Internet accountability and filtering software, located in Owosso, MI .http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/02/19/pornography-statistics/

Elizabeth M. Morgan (2011) Associations between Young Adults’ Use of Sexually Explicit Materials and Their Sexual Preferences, Behaviors, and Satisfaction

Boise State University, Scholarworks, Psychology Faculty Publications and Presentations, Accessed at: http://scholarworks.boisestate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1044&context=psych_facpubs

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