Category Archives: Family Dynamics

What Is Sex Addiction?

Posted on February 23, 2023 by Melissa Killeen

If you’re a sex addict, you’re dealing with an escalating, obsessive preoccupation with sexual fantasy and behaviors. As a result, you’ve damaged your romantic relationships, career, education, friendships, finances, and other life priorities. Most likely, you use the intensity of sexual fantasy and behaviors to escape (to avoid feeling) emotional discomfort – stress, anxiety, loneliness, depression, shame, boredom, and the like.

Are you obsessively preoccupied with sex?

Have you tried and failed to cut back or quit your involvement with porn, hookup apps, strip clubs, prostitution, affairs, compulsive masturbation, voyeurism, or similar behaviors?

Are you experiencing negative consequences related to your out-of-control sex life?

If you think you or a loved one may be struggling with sex addiction, we suggest you take this anonymous 25-question screening test:

Sex and Porn Addiction Self-Test.

This Sex and Porn Addiction Self-Test is a preliminary assessment tool. Your answers to the questions in this short quiz can help you, in conjunction with a licensed psychotherapist, identify issues that you may have with sex or porn addiction. Answer each question by circling the appropriate response- “yes” or “no” .

1. Do you feel overly distracted by, obsessed with, or preoccupied by your sexual fantasies and behavior?

Yes

2. Do you ever have trouble stopping your sexual behavior, even when you have more important things to do?

Yes

3. After having sex (with self or others), do you sometimes feel depressed or regret it?

Yes

4. Have you made promises to yourself or another person to change aspects of your sexual behavior, only to break those promises later?

Yes

5. Did you experience abuse, neglect, or other serious trauma as a child or adolescent?

Yes

6. Do you look forward to events with family and/or friends being over so you can engage in sexual behavior?

Yes

7. Do you have trouble maintaining relationships once the sexual newness and intensity has worn off?

Yes

8. Have you ever kept secrets or lied about money and/or time spent on sex, porn, affairs, and similar behavior?

Yes

9. Do you sometimes regret the amount of time you spend with porn, webcams, hookup apps, and other forms of tech-driven sexual behavior?

Yes

10. Does your sexual behavior, real-world or online, interfere with your personal goals or create negative consequences in your work, community, or academic life?

Yes

11. Have your family, friends, or partner(s) ever worried or complained about your sexual behavior?

Yes

12. Does your sexual behavior potentially offend others, violate community standards, or place you in danger of arrest?

Yes

13. Do you ever find yourself “lost” in sexual fantasies and behavior as a way of coping with stress, boredom, loneliness, or other forms of emotional discomfort?

Yes

14. Do you keep certain elements of your sexual behavior hidden from partners and/or friends?

Yes

15. Do you believe that porn use, casual sex, and similar behavior may have kept you from creating and maintaining a successful long-term intimate relationship?

Yes

16. Have you repeatedly engaged in unsafe or “risky” sex?

Yes

17. Have you had certain kinds of sex (alone or with a partner) that you later regretted?

Yes

18. Does your sexual behavior ever leave you worried about or at risk of contracting or sharing sexually transmitted diseases?

Yes

19. Do you find yourself feeling restless, irritable, or discontented when you are unable to engage in certain sexual fantasies and activities?

Yes

20. Has your involvement with porn, hookup apps, sex/dating websites, and other online sexual environments become greater than your intimate contact with romantic partners?

Yes

21. Has anyone ever been hurt by lies and secrets related to your sexual behavior?

Yes

22. Do you ever feel compelled to seek out porn, hookups, and other forms of sexual activity, online or real world, even though you are trying to stop these behaviors?

Yes

23. Has the nature and/or intensity of your sexual fantasies and behavior escalated over time?

Yes

24. Do you find that you spend more time with sexual fantasies and behavior than you would like?

Yes

25. Have you ever been approached by the police, arrested, or charged with a crime related to your sexual behavior?

Yes

Scoring-

An overwhelming percentage of positive answers is an indication you should be discussing your behavior with a therapist. A Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT after their name) or a Certified Christian Sex Addiction Specialist is trained and qualified to treat individuals with compulsive sexual disorders and trauma resulting from sexual abuse.

Perhaps you are a concerned significant other, spouse or relative of a sex addict. You also have clinical professionals trained to assist you in your healing journey. Certified Clinical Partner Specialists (CCPS after the professional’s name) or a member of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) have been trained in the treatment of partners of sex addicts. When seeking a clinical professional knowledgeable in sex addiction, ask questions about the training of the psychotherapist or other helping professional. Substance addiction training does not qualify a clinical professional to treat a compulsive sexual disorder.

An affirmative answer to question #12 or #25, regarding illegal sexual behavior, is always a problem. If you answered yes to either of these questions, learn about the mandated reporting laws in your state before speaking to a professional about your challenges. Then , you should seek confidential advice from a licensed professional skilled in handling the disclosure of illegal compulsive sexual actions. Be aware that psychotherapists and other helping professionals (including clerics and lawyers) may have reporting requirements (that can vary from state to state) related to illegal sexual behaviors. Please learn about the reporting laws in your state before speaking to a professional in detail about your challenges.

If you have attempted stopping this behavior on your own but have been unsuccessful and you think you need a break and focus on more concentrated help, look into an inpatient residential program for sex addiction. The Meadows- Gentle Path, Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services, Keystone ECU, Seeking Integrity, and Blue Tiger Recovery are inpatient residential programs with excellent reputations.

To ask Seeking Integrity About Treatment, Call (747) 234-HEAL (4325)

Posted in Family Dynamics, internet addiction disorder, love addiction, mental health, pornography addiction, Recovery Coaching, relationships, Sex Addiction, Uncategorized | Comments Off

What do I need to be a recovery coach?

Posted on December 12, 2021 by Melissa Killeen

Recovery Coaching within a Recovery Oriented System of Care - SHE RECOVERS® Foundation

Posted by Melissa Killeen, MSOD, MPhil, NCPRSS

I published the second edition my book Recovery Coaching – A Guide to Coaching People in Recovery from Addictions in 2019. Since the first edition was released (in 2013) there have been several changes in certification requirements for recovery coaches, or peer recovery specialists. The training of coaches has become one of the fastest growing aspects of the coaching field. So what kind of training do I need to be a recovery coach?

Many of the organizations that offer addiction recovery coach training or peer recovery-support specialist training are listed on my web site . For many people interested in being a recovery coach, the training costs are an important factor. Deciding on the best training organization and the training necessary to fulfill the state certification requirements can be confusing. So I would like to attempt to clear up this confusion and will attempt to answer these questions in this post:

What are the guidelines I must meet to apply for recovery coaching training?

Applicants must meet the following guidelines to apply for a training course in order to be a recovery coach or a peer recovery support-specialist. These guidelines are shared by many training organizations and certification boards across the nation as a standard for what a potential recovery coach must have before applying for recovery coaching training:

High school diploma, GED or higher

Minimum of one year of direct knowledge of sponsorship and 12-step programs

Minimum one year of sobriety from substance use or one year sobriety in co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders (self-attestation)

Have a minimum of one year experience working with a family member, loved one or significant other that is addicted, is attempting to recover or who has loss their life due to an addiction(self-attestation)

What kind of training do I need to be a recovery coach?

Certification boards require the coach to receive peer recovery specialist or recovery coach training from an organization that is authorized by the state to give this training. This ensures the training will fulfill the requirements mandated by your state’s certification board. In order to find out what authorized training organizations are, go to your state’s certification board.

After your research, you will need to complete the following:

Each state and organization has different requirements. So first check with your state to ensure the courses you take will be accepted by the state credentialing board.
A certain amount of hours in coaching training (46-120 hours depending on the state) in topics such as addiction recovery theory, motivational interviewing, relapse prevention, cultural awareness, suicide prevention and HIV-AIDS education
8-16 hours of coaching ethics.

The places in which you receive this training are quite diverse. In the links section of this web site, ( https://www.mkrecoverycoaching.com/recovery-coach-training-organizations/ ) I list over 250 organizations offering recovery coach training. The courses can be virtual, or in a classroom. The costs for this training is diverse as well, from free (in Ohio) up to $4,000 per course. The length of the course could be three days or four months.

At no time does taking a recovery coaching course give you an immediate state certification board recovery-coaching credential. It gives you a document (called a certificate) that says you completed the training hours. There are many coaches who do not seek state board certification and use this document or certificate from a training organization as adequate proof they are knowledgeable in performing the duties of a recovery coach.

There is a central international credentialing organization, the International Certification and Reciprocity Consortium, commonly known as the IC & RC, which runs many state credentialing boards and has developed an exam for a Peer Recovery (PR) Certification. The IC & RC suggests applicants check with their state credentialing board for specific test-taking guidelines.

What differentiates a Peer Recovery Coach from a Professional Coach?

Why the “Professional Coach” title? The word “professional” will differentiate Peer Recovery Coaches with more coaching experience and more training from other peer coaches with credentials or certifications. Employers ( e.g., hospitals, providers, prisons) employ coaches, and for these employers the term “Professional” signifies a higher level of competence and expertise.

There are trainings offered that can give a coach more information that may not be on the state certification board list but are very helpful. The kinds of training I found helpful as a new recovery coach are conflict resolution and management, anger management, intervention training, co-occurring disorders, behavioral addictions, the pharmacology of addiction, as well as knowledge about coaching families in relationships with addicted persons. There are also trainings on how to be a recovery coach in a hospital Emergency Department, working with Narcan revived patients, or working with people in prisons or the homeless. There are also organizations that offer Professional Coach certification (CCAR- Conneticut Community of Addiction Recovery, (https://addictionrecoverytraining.org/ ) and the International Coaching Federation that offers three different levels of life coach training: associate, professional- and master-level coaching certificates https://coachingfederation.org/

After you receive this initial Peer Recovery Coach training, additional trainings can open up to you. The more time you engage in being a recovery coach and the more educational credentials you receive; you move closer to the “Professional Coach” status.

Are there any additional credentialing organizations for recovery coaching certification?

NAADAC, the Association for Addiction Professionals, and the National Certification Commission for Addiction Professionals (NCC-AP) offer the Nationally Certified Peer Recovery Support-Specialist Certification. Similar to the state certification- however- the NAADAC certification is good to use in every state in the union. So a coach does not have to worry about reciprocity from one state to another. The requirements the NAADAC recommends, in order to receive certification, mandates a coach read and sign a statement on the application affirming adherence to the Peer Recovery Support-Specialist Code of Ethics. The new coach will confirm they have taken the NAADAC six-hour ethics training course and have completed six hours of HIV/other pathogens education and training course (also available through NAADAC).Credentialing boards require supervisors of the coaches-in-training to sign a document verifying they have supervised the coach during the 200-hour period of the coach’s practice training. Letters of recommendation are also items required by some credentialing boards. Other state boards require a recent photograph.

NAPS, or National Association for Peer Support is an organization for peers focusing on mental health recovery peer support as well as addiction recovery support. They have education and credentialing standards that are listed at : https://www.peersupportworks.org/.

As always, check with your state credentialing board for specific requirements for credentialing training. Many states only accept training from an organization that have had their trainings screened by the state and authorized to be used as a credentialing training source.

What is the next step in the process of being qualified, getting training, and then credentialed as a recovery coach or peer-recovery support specialist?

After you have completed the research as to what type of credentialling you want (e.g. state certification board, IC & RC or NAADAC), then seek out the training you can afford. Go to https://www.mkrecoverycoaching.com/recovery-coach-training-organizations/ for a list of addiction recovery coach training organizations

Verify that you meet the qualifications to apply for the course (e.g. be 18-years-old, have a GED or high school diploma, one year sobriety from any addiction)
Take and pass the course, retain the coaching certificate for future purposes
Research places like Recovery Community Organizations or treatment centers to work or volunteer as a recovery-coach-in-training to receive your practice hours.
Complete the recovery-coach-in-training supervised practice hours that are required by the state board or the NAADAC
Apply to your state certification board or the NAADAC for the time to take the recovery coach exam(a fee will apply)
Send in your application with paperwork verifying the completion of practice hours to the state credentialing board with a certification fee (the additional fee varies for every state, from $100-$250)
If you pass the exam and meet all the requirements listed on the application, you will receive your recovery coaching or peer-recovery support specialist certificate
In the next 2 – 4 years take the required courses for renewing this certificate. Refer to your state board or the NAADAC for more information on courses and renewal time frames. A renewal fee will be required.

So, whether you are working as a coach, looking to become one, if you are a family member, or an ally ready to learn about the recovery process, we can promise you the process to become a coach is a transformational experience.

Good luck on your journey.

Posted in Addiction Recovery Posts, alcohol, Alcoholism, Coach Credentialing, Drug Abuse, Family Dynamics, Gambling, gaming addiction, love addiction, mental health, Opioid addiction, Parents, Pornography, pornography addiction, Recovery Coaching, Research, Sex Addiction, Sponsor, video game addiction | Tagged CCAR, IC&RC, ICF, International Coaching Federation, Melissa Killeen, MKRecoveryCoaching.com, National Association of Peer Support, recovery coach, Recovery Coaching A guide to Coaching People in Recovery from Addiction | Comments Off

Affected by a Loved One’s Addiction? “Prodependence” is a Must Read

Posted on July 15, 2020 by Melissa Killeen

Dr. Robert Weiss is widely known for his therapeutic work and his books about addiction, in particular sex, porn, and love addiction. His latest book, Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, is an extension of these efforts, focusing on the ways in which therapists (and the public) view and treat not just addicts, but spouses and family members of addicts.

For more than three decades, the primary treatment and recovery model for loved ones of addicts has been codependence, which typically labels efforts to help an addicted or otherwise struggling loved one as enmeshed and enabling. Then, the caregiving family member is identified as codependent and told that he or she needs to “detach with love” or nothing will ever get better.

To a person who loves and cares for an addict, the codependence model feels like they’re being blamed and shamed for someone else’s problem. And that doesn’t make a lot of sense to them.

With Prodependence, Dr. Weiss steers us in a new direction—celebrating rather than denigrating the desire to stay connected with and to care for a struggling loved one, even in the face of addiction. Weiss asks: “If I love someone with a physical illness or a disability by helping that person and the rest of my family, even to my detriment, I’m a saint. But if I love and care for an addict in the same way, I am called out as enmeshed, enabling, controlling, and codependent. Why is there a difference?”

That seems like a reasonable question, to which there is no real answer.

To remedy the situation, Dr. Weiss suggests a new model, which he calls prodependence. About this approach, he says, “To treat loved ones of addicts using prodependence, we need not find that something is ‘wrong with them.’ We can simply acknowledge the trauma and inherent dysfunction that occurs when living in close relationship with an addict, and then we can address that in the healthiest, least shaming way.”

Interesting, Dr. Weiss’s approach to treatment, in terms of the work that loved ones of addicts need to do, is similar to the work done in codependency treatment—an improved focus on self-care and setting better boundaries with the addict (and others). The difference is in how therapists and caregiving loved ones think about and talk about the situation.

Codependence imposes a pseudo-pathology that blames and shames the caregiving loved one; prodependence understands the caregiving loved one is in the midst of an ongoing crisis and doing the best that he or she can, given the circumstances.

Prodependence says that loving and caring for an addict is not a pathological behavior, even if that love and care occasionally veers off course into enmeshment and enabling. Rather than pathologizing loved ones of addicts, prodependence says we should applaud them for their efforts while helping them love and care for the addict in ways that are less stressful to them and more helpful to the addict and his or her recovery.

This is a refreshing approach. Any person who has ever been labeled as codependent and told that he or she needs to detach with love knows how little sense that label and that suggestion make. As human beings, we can’t walk away from a person we love any more than we can stop breathing. It’s just not natural. Do we sometimes need to take better care of ourselves while we help our addicted loved one? Almost certainly. Would setting and maintaining better boundaries with the addict be helpful to us and to the addict and his or her recovery? Without doubt. But that doesn’t mean we need to walk away and leave the addict to sink or swim without us.

Prodependence recognizes and accepts (and even celebrates) these facts. In so doing, it presents an evolved prism through which therapists and caregiving loved ones can examine, evaluate, and improve not just relationships affected by addiction, but relationships in general.

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency is recommended (maybe even required) reading for all recovering addicts, all spouses and family members of addicts, and all therapists who work with addicts and family members of addicts.

A review written by Scott Brassart , a editor and writer for In the Rooms – https://www.intherooms.com/

Posted in Family Dynamics, Recovery Coaching | Tagged addicted loved one, In the Rooms, intherooms.com, Robert Weiss, scott brassart, Sex Addiction | Comments Off